Monday, March 30, 2009

Down South Jukin'

The countdown has begun. 5 weeks from now, I will be hangin' down south in Horry County, SC for the annual Myrtle Beach Bike Week. The locals will tell you it is pronounced "Orry County" but spend the second week in May there and you will know how it SHOULD be pronounced. I love this week and everything about it, so much so that I start looking forward to it immediately after I return home. Mornings are spent sitting on wooden rocking chairs in front of The Beaver Bar with beers in hand. Some prefer bloody marys in the morning, but fahk that - it's beer for me. There's the usual ride down Route 17 to Charleston to have lunch at Bubba Gump's Shrimp Company and the ride back to make like real southerners and attack the buffet at Hog Heaven in Pawley's Island, SC. From fried chicken to macaroni & cheese to fried okra to sweet potato pie, this food is so good it would make the Olsen twins want to keep their food down. We will for sure be spending time at the Broken Spoke listenin to the southern rock sounds of Peacepipe and the Kentucky Headhunters. Oh, we might even see a wet tshirt or two or twenty and the more than occasional nekkid chick. The biker rodeo at the Rat Hole is another must, as are the tittie shooters at the Irongate Saloon. People ask me if I ever feel like doing something different for a vacation. I usually look back at them with a blank stare, wondering if they have been listening at all.

This year, however, we won't actually be spending any time in the city of Myrtle Beach. Seems the dimwits who run that city would rather not have the revenue that 400,000 bikers could potentially bring. Ol' Mayor BillyBob Dumass (sorry, but I really have no interest in whatever the fuck his real name is) championed a list of laws through the city council that have been aimed at keeping bikers out of the city. They have passed a helmet law, restricted vendor permits and have mandated closing times for all establishments. For whatever their real reasons are for attacking the bike rallies, (ahem... Google Black Bike Week and you might learn a little bit more about the racism that is alive and well down there), Opie and Cooter and the rest of the toofless politicians have succeeded in taking millions of dollars in revenue away from local hotels, restaurants and other businesses. Not only have they taken money out of their own city, they have indirectly funneled it to the rest of Horry County (I swear to God that is the name of the county). You see, we bikers are a pretty persistent group. We're still coming to South Carolina... we will be staying in Garden City, Surfside, Murrels Inlet, North Myrtle Beach, all within direct eyesight of the Myrtle Beach politicians....we will be spending our money so close to the city limits that they will be able to read the freakin' serial numbers on the dollar bills that are folded in half, the long way....Piss us off and we will piss on you.

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