Friday, March 13, 2009

Worst Kept Secret In New England - U2 Plays Somerville

Imagine if you will: You are able to score a couple of New England Patriot tickets. Game day arrives and you hop in your buddy's pickup truck at 7am, dressed up in your old Grogan jersey, for the 1 hour drive to the stadium. The grill is hog-tied in the bed of the truck with the deftness of a calf-roper and you have three coolers filled with more beer than you can drink and a little bit of food. You spent the morning in the parking lot tossing a Nerf football around, woofing down sausages, ribs and slim jims, and pissing on the front tire of the Toyota Camry parked next to you because the port-a-potties are just way too far away for a drunken stumble. As the kickoff draws near, you join the exodus of fellow fans in the This Way To The Brady Worship Service Conga Line into the stadium. Once inside, you start shelling out $8.00 for plastic bottles of the same beer you have back in your coolers. Grab yourself another sammich, this one is pulled pork with ass-fire hot sauce and cheesey fries and you find your seats. You don't pay attention during the kickoff because you really are just watching the cheerleaders closest to your section wondering which one you will go home with tonight. The first quarter ends and the Pats are up by some crazy margin, cuz that's what they do. But then the second quarter starts and something very strange happens. Instead of lining up for more football action, both teams come onto the field for an answer/question session with the fans. And they announce that they will be signing autographs. They will not finish the game because they are more interested in a give and take with their fans. Sounds crazy, right??? Not so mon fraire... not so.

This week, U2, the most overated, talentless group of "musicians" since the fukkin Monkees, played in Somerville to a packed house of 900 people. If you have ever doubted that U2 was more about self-promotion than music, this story should fix your problem. This "secret" event was more publicized than a papal visit and a Rihanna black eye combined. Bono (which must be Gaelic for "My Ego Is Bigger Than Texas") called the event a "public rehearsal" yet needed the Somerville police department to shut down Davis Square so they could unload their equipment. And I'm not sure what is public about an "invitation only" event. Either way, the U2 setlist was a whopping 5 fahkin songs!!!

    Get On Your Boots (the bullshit is gonna get deep), Magnificent (must be about Bono), Breathe (dedicated to the fans who pass out at the sight of Bono and The Edge), I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight (HUH?) and Vertigo (the only song I've heard of but it still sucks)

Not exactly a stand up and scream list! And then they took questions from the crowd!! 5 SONGS!!!!! This is typical Paul Hewson (aka Bono - that's right, doesn't sound so cool anymore, huh?) - it's not about his music and it has never been about his music. It is about hearing himself talk. This guy and his group of sheep he calls his band are all about bigness. By the way, time for "The Edge" to drop that moniker (and the stupid fahkin winter hat). This little lamb is about as "edgy" as Opie from Andy Griffith. Hey Bono... YOU'RE A BAND - YOU GET PAID TO PLAY MUSIC - SHUT YOUR IRISH, CORNED BEEF EATIN' PIE HOLE AND PLAY SUNDAY BLOODY SUNDAY!!

I know the U2 followers are gonna get all up in arms over this, but frankly I don't really give a shit. Maybe someone will be able to explain to me exactly why they are so BIG. Well, except for those wikkid pissah cool clear sunglasses (sarcasm intended - the shades are lameass!), I don't see what the fuss is all about. I just don't. I probably never will...

Off to listen to real music now.... Johnny Cash is on Outlaw Country as I type...

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