Monday, May 18, 2009

Myrtle Beach Bike Week 2009

Another mid-May and another Bike Week in the books. Our time in Myrtle Beach (or should I say NOT in Myrtle Beach) was crazy as always. We loaded up the bikes on Friday afternoon and hit the road by 6:30pm, with bottles of water, Monster drinks and Twizzlers to keep us going all night long. The ride down was perfect - well as perfect as a 16 hour hell ride can be. Let's face it, 16 hours in a truck with three guys in their 40's cannot be good for anyone... especially if one of them spent the first 200 miles with a leak in his ass! But, $47 in tolls and $250 in gas got us to the Grand Strand by 10:30 am, tired but raring to go.

First stop had to be the Beaver Bar for our first $2 beer of the week. Then hung at Suck Bang Blow for a little while talking with Dave - a regular whose second job this week would be parking motorcycles from 3pm - 1am. Good thing he spent a few hours gettin' a real buzz on!! LOL

Overall, the week was a complete success. Spent the days riding in the sun (and occasional downpour) hopping from biker bar to biker bar. Rode down to Georgetown, SC on Thursday and had a few beers at The Big Tuna! Sitting on the back dock, overlooking the river and the shrimp boats coming and going was pretty fukkin cool, if I do say so myself. But cooler than that was the stop at Hog Heaven in Pawleys Island, SC on the way home. This is our annual stop for some real good down home barbecue - heapin helpins of macaroni and cheese, pulled pork and sweet potato pie along with some seriously good fried chicken and cole slaw! Washed down with an ice cold Bud - the southern Sorbet.

At the Rat Hole, we watched a bit of the rodeo, but the highlight here was the big ol' fried boloney sandwich - two words for this: Gooooo Oooooood!! This ain't your typical wafer thin slice of deli boloney. Oh no - this is for the true mystery meat fan - a fukkin chunk of boloney about 3/4 inch thick, deep fried and placed in a bun with lettuce and tomater... ooooooooooooo - almost made me not look at the beer girl's cleavage - "almost".

If you want to know what I love about this bike rally (well, besides the obvious), I give you Cooters Backyard Bar and Grill. This is a new place that had just opened up. We popped our heads in there on Sunday morning for some bloody marys and a breakfast edition Budweiser for me. Sitting on the deck in the empty place, one of the guys asked if we were hungry... he offered to cook us up some eggs and toast and it would be on the house. YEP... on the house. This place was the dern friendliest place I have ever visited. They gave out free breakfast every morning during bike week. Dana and Jessica as morning bartenders were cute AND friendly. Pabst Blue Ribbons are one dollar always. Will the manager went so far as to call Direct TV to find out how he can put the Bruins game on for us. We tried to buy some tshirts from them just to show our gratitude and they even gave us a huge discount there. Tell your friends and enemies... give Cooters some love is you are ever in Myrtle Beach. Ask for Dana or Will and tell them their friends from NH sent you.

And then there is the Causeway Bar and Grill, which was just down the street from out house. We spent every night there until closing and then even later some nights. Big smokey voice shoutout to Lisa and Rosie and anyone else who works there. Great times! Across from the Causway was The Bar. That is the name of the place. To describe this place in words would not do it justice. Picture your living room and then cut it in half. Add in a 53 year old grandmother of 7 named Margie behind the bar and a couple of barbacks named Tee and Chip. Hang a 44 LL bra on the wall with a thong just as fukkin big and you have The Bar. We went in once for the experience. Loved it.

We saw a bartender who could blow fire 15 feet in the air and another who could shake pictures off the wall with her ass. There is the always terrific Kristi at the Spoke.

The big story this year was the city of Myrtle Beach and their lame ass attempt to halt the rally. They implemented all kinds of bullshit laws to keep us out (helmet law, noise ordinances, etc.). Well, it worked because we stayed out of the city of Myrtle Beach. Those dumb local shitheads destroyed the biggest revenue source for business owners inside Myrtle Beach by messing with the laws. I heard something like 70,000 hotel room cancellations. But the bikers still came. We stayed in other towns all around Myrtle Beach. And since nothing really happens in the city limits, the events were all the same. We'll be back next year and if things don't change, the biker cry will remain the same: "FUCK MYRTLE BEACH"

Friday, May 8, 2009

Cruisin' The Coast

And away we go...

Now everybody need not worry... the wild fires in North Myrtle Beach are under control and the rally is still on. The 16 hour drive sucks but once the bikes are unloaded, that ride will soon be forgotten. The usual crew is headin' down to Myrtle Beach tonight. The orginal group of 5 had dwindled to 3 after brother and cousin have bailed out on us - the dumbasses have no freakin' idea what they will be missing. Rest assured I will be sending pic messages all week long to rub it in to JimBob and Junior. To give you an idea of what the next 8 days will look like for me, here is a copy of the daily itinerary: Wake up - shower and comb the tongue. Throw on a pair of jeans and some Harley tshirt that tells everyone where I'm from (or where someone I know visited and bought me a shirt). Lace up the boots, swill down some coffee and off to the Beaver Bar for morning brews, bought from Hank the cleanup guy because the bartenders are still sleeping off their hangovers. From the Beaver Bar, a short walk over to Suck Bang Blow to look at the thousands of tshirts and shit for sale. Back on the bikes and ride around. Stop in and visit Hog Wild Girls at the Irongate or Kristi at the Spoke. Maybe a cruise over to the Rat Hole for a little rodeo action and heavyweight pudding wrestling. And so on and so on... you get the picture. Gonna be a week of barbecue and cheap beer, windburn and southern music and a wet tshirt or two. Wish me luck!!!