Monday, October 5, 2009

Boston Sports... Lovin It!!!

Giddy up Go… In a good mood this morning thanks to my Boston teams and the respective ass whoopings they dealt out this weekend. Thinking it is time to evaluate some of the home town boys and git after it… (apologies to Sox and Celtics for the omission, but you guys bore me right now).

I don’t know about any of you, but I’m thinking the Bruins may be the toughest bunch of fukkers on skates this year. Saturday night, our boys in Black and Gold took a can of whoop ass, cracked the seal and proceeded to empty the contents all over the Carolina Sissyboys. They then stuffed the empty can up their collective “Ouch! Quit Hitting Me” asses. The ‘canes spent the entire game in full turtle mode as they shrunk away from Lucic, Thornton and the boys like a certain George Kostanza body part (I was in the pool! I was in the pool!!!). By the way, does Lucic know exactly where to hit or what? He seems to draw more blood than a vampire on a drinking binge.

Ahh... my Pats!!! I am pumped that they are starting to look the part once again. Yesterday’s win over Baltimore was heeeeeyuge and ol Tommy Boy is getting better each week. A major highlight for me yesterday was the Randy Moss press conference following the game when he spent his time on the mic talking about the importance of breast cancer awareness (Screw all of you arses who want to hold on to his past – this guy has been nothing but a class act since getting here and he is quickly becoming my favorite). I loved watching Brady get in the faces of his offensive line to fire them up. Yeah, Matt “Which Way Did He Go?” Light looked rather silly when Terrell Suggs blew past him faster than two foxes fucking in a forest fire (filthy analogy courtesy of Mojo Nixon). But come on – Brady had not been sacked for two games before yesterday while Light was facing the likes of John Abraham and Shaun Ellis. Give the guy a freakin break!!

From the Division of Bitching & Moaning
(you knew I was gonna bitch about something, right?): I am always the first to say that whatever Bill Belichick does must be right. But I gotta tell you, Laurence Maroney must have some high quality pictures of Belichick in various stages of sheep love because nothing else could explain why this stutter stepping, stop and go horror show continues to carry the ball. I mean hell – at this rate, the Baloney Maroney will be the newest dance craze at all the hip hop clubs around Boston. If I was in charge of the depth chart (and I should be, damn it!), Maroney would be the sixth running back on this roster, behind Fred Taylor, Sammy “The Bull” Morris, Kevin “I’ve Got Your First Down Right Here” Faulk, BenJarvus Whatzhizname, and Vince “Where’s the Buffett” Wilfork. Yep, ol' Big Vince would be more dangerous carrying the ball. Seriously, I have two words for Maroney’s value to this team - Zee Ro! Fred Taylor ran the ball last week for 120 yards or something, yet he gets the ball just twice yesterday? Geez, Coach, I sure hope that sheep was worth it!

***Missing Person Alert: Joseph “Joey” “Greybeard” Galloway***

Last Seen – Gillette Stadium, Foxboro, MA on September 27th, 2009 wearing a sad face and a white I Hate Tom Brady tshirt, carrying a Patriots playbook, muttering to himself “I will stay inbounds. I will stay inbounds. Good God almighty I will stay inbounds.” A spitting image of Grady Wilson from Sanford & Son, Galloway should be easy to spot in a crowd with his graying facial hair, arthritic knuckles and creaking knees.

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