Aside from the Sheen Report, experts are also warning the general public of additional fallout from the H1N1 pandemic. Environmentalists have declared that if the Swine Flu is not contained quickly, the heat generated from millions of high fevers could double or even triple the pace of global warming and there is a real possibility that the polar icecap will become a puddle of ginormous proportions and that the ozone layer will cease to exist as we know it today. Additionally, there is evidence that drilling in Alaska could cause the Swine Flu to likely mutate into the more destructive strain of Caribou Flu, said to be more lethal than a bowl Jim Jones fruit punch.
All is not lost, however. Susan Sarandon, President Obama’s Secretary of Public Appearances, in a Fox-Free press conference this morning, offered a glimmer of hope for Americans. “The President has spent countless hours in discussions with the flu and is confident that his tactics of diplomacy will prevail for the good of all Americans. He has apologized to the flu for the long history of transgressions made by Americans against the flu. For the past eight years, this country has treated the flu as an enemy of the people, attacking its various strains without provocation or so much as an attempt to sit around the table and talk it out." Sarandon went on to say, "The USA-H1N1 Treaty includes a provision that if the President’s health care reform package passes, the vaccine will become immediately available and the H1N1 will back down on its assault on the helpless lower and middle class America. According to the treaty, the flu will be allowed to target the wealthy upper class, with the exception of agreed upon safe zones of Hollywood and Washington, DC."