Tuesday, December 1, 2009

It's Not Trespassing - They Let Me In!!

Through the misty fog on a cool Autumn night, I strolled through the gates and approached the two unsuspecting agents who stood stoicly with the security of the most powerful man in the free world resting squarely on their shoulders. Dressed sharply in my Life is Good tshirt, khaki shorts and mandals, I informed the security detail that I was at the White House on official business. "We need to see your credentials, sir," the beer-bellied agent said. I showed them my Blockbuster Video membership card and a letter from Mrs. Croak, my third grade teacher. "Go right ahead in, Mr. Blockbuster. The President is upstairs, just past the two drunk agents passed out in the hall. He keeps the key under the planter. Have a great night."

Okay... so that did not really happen, at least to me. But what the hell did happen last week? How the fahk did two attention seeking nitwits weasel their way into a White House State Dinner? Seriously, I cannot even get into the freakin' Hudson Fish & Game club for crying out loud. We can spend hours debating whether or not Blondie and her Middle Eastern boyfriend should be prosecuted, but why waste our time? Bottom line is that they pulled a fast one (or probably more like a slow one) on the alleged tightest security detail in the world. I have three words for that.... Heee Fahkin Hee!

But I am also here to tell you that this is not the first time someone has crashed the Presidential presence. It may not be as well publicized, but I have been known to hang with President Obie and his peeps from time to time. It's really not that hard, as you have all learned last week. I remember the time I told the guy at the door of the United Nations that I was from some small country that had just been liberated and that my seat was being held at the main table, next to BHO and Hillary - Note to TMZ: I'll take 5 mill for the picture.

And I'll never forget the time Obie and I were hanging out on the stage of that fundraiser, checking out some smoking ass in a red dress. Oh mama Obama!!!!

Perhaps one of my most bestest moments was hanging around in the Rose Garden with a big giant head, chugging beeahs and swapping stripper stories with the Pres and the Vice Pres during the infamous beer summit. This day was just a bunch of good ol' boys being boys... lots of belching, ball scratching and arguing about golf. Good times for all.

Last spring, the G20 Summit was held in dahntahn Pittsburgh. Since I have family in the 'burgh, I made a beeline to the front door, flashed my Steeler fan club card and was quickly whisked into the room like royalty. After dinner, all the big wigs got together for a group photo. That's me giving the thumbs up standing next to Obie. We tried to look serious, but the guy with the table cloth on his head was passing gas like a full service attendant.....whooooo
So to the hot blonde and her party crashing partner who think they did it first - nuh uh you didn't!

No comments:

Post a Comment