Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Who Dat?? Jezzus Kryst Who Da Fuk Waz Dat?

It was about 10:50 last night when I turned away from ESPN and that gawd awful, kick in the nuts of a football game. I couldn't take anymore of the Saints receivers and Drew Aint No Bledsoe making the Pats d-backs look like Pop Warner minimum play kids. [For the uninformed, a minimum play kid is that kid who gets on the field for his 8 plays every game and then spends the rest of the game on the sidelines, eating cookies and knocking on his cup to show everyone it does not hurt]

Before I get to the game, did I see that correctly last night? Has our President now taken to making commercials? Gimme a freakin' break please. Catching a pass from Drew Brees on the White House lawn, mixed in with other NFL players and a bunch of rugrat kids. I get it... the United Way is a wonderful charity, but how freakin' whorish of our President to find more television exposure! Apparently, he does not like Peyton Manning hogging all the NFL commercial time, huh?

So back to last night's Bourbon Street Beatdown! What happened to the statement game from the Pats? Oh, they made a fahkin statement alright - it went like this: "To Whom It May Concern: We would like to state that our defensive backs couldn't cover a fahkin text book in September."

The first sign of trouble was that piss-poor INT from TB12 right into the hands of a guy who just two weeks ago was raking leaves on Sundays. Wasted that balls to the wall punt return by Wes and gave the ball back to Breezy and the whole night went south! Brandon Merri-go-round forgot page one of the defensive playbook and gifted 7 points - looking at Devry Henderson's face afterward, he was saying the same thing everyone in New England was saying - "I have no idea where the defense was, man..." Tip to Merriweather - on a corner blitz, the safety gets the man left alone!!! PAGE FUKKIN ONE!!!!!! Arrghhh... 38-17 and with cleat marks all over their nutsacks, that plane ride home last night must have been a piss fest!

I guess we all understand now why Billy Boy decided to go for it on 4th and 2 against the Dolts... I don't want to hear Bruschi or any other all done defensive player bitching about the coach not trusting the defense... last night was enough proof for me. Hell, I am in full support of onsides kicks after every score from here on out.

Well, thank the football gawds for making the AFC East a shitful division! We still have a 2 game lead and are in the drivers seat for the AFC East title - but any playoff games will most likely be on the road - Tiger Woods has a better chance of beating his wife than the Pats beating a home team.

Hey, it's not all bad you know and I would hate to leave you filled with negativity... Welcome to Bright Side Station! Bony Maroney is running like a man possessed these days - bowled over another defensive back last night. Still a few too many dance steps for my liking, but much better than early in the year. Brady is still a top quarterback and will be fine. No worries there my friends. And let's not forget... we still get the Raiders' top pick in June...>WOOOO FUKKIN HOOOO!!!! Out for now - on my way to the Oval Office to sit in on a meeting with the Secretary of Defense and pose for pictures in front of the Afghan war map! Wish me luck!

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