Saturday, March 13, 2010

Milk Is The New White Collar Drug

So Lindsey Lohan, aka "nutty fukkin drunk ass daughter of a maniac", is suing eTrade for a commercial that references a 4 month old hooked on milk who happens to be named Lindsey. Yeah.... that was the first thing I thought of when I saw that commercial, because Lindsey Lohan is known for crawling around in diapers selling herself for a glass of milk!!! Fahkin' whack job! And some shameless attorney took the case - they are asking for $100 million beans to account for the pain and suffering cast upon her by the commercial. PAIN AND SUFFERING???? Let's go nuts for a moment here (joining ol' Lindsey on the psycho taxi) and say that eTrade was in fact trying to take a shot at Lohan. And let's say that some dipshits actually thought of her when they saw that commercial and laughed out loud in the comfort of their living room. Tell me this: where is the fahkin' pain??? Oh right - I can see why she would be all pissed off because some company claimed she was a milkaholic - after all, only losers, whores and skid row pedestrians drink milk, right? I know this much - when I need milk for my house, I travel out of state in hoodie and shades to a milk lab in Vermont because the last thing I need is to spoil my pristine reputation by going public with my affinity for milk.

Hey Lindsey, if you cannot get pain and suffering damages from your bat shit crazy father, the prospect of winning this suit falls with the Chance brothers - Slim, Fat and No. Good fahkin' luck you dumb shit!
So if you would excuse me, I need to get to the Milkadone Clinic for my treatment. And then I am contacting my attorney Patty Dewey, Esq. of Dewey, Screwem and Howe to launch my lawsuit against Ken's Salad Dressing and Underwood Deviled Ham, those heartless assholes.

Disclaimer: Credit to the Stooges for the Dewey, Screwem and Howe reference and to Google Images for the priceless pic above of a passed out milkaholic....heeeeeeee

THE COMMERCIAL IN QUESTION... who the hell does NOT laugh at these ads?

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