Thursday, April 29, 2010

Gilligan!!! The Island Is Tipping!!!

Hank Johnson, D-Ga:  ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER?  Methinks not.  I can be accused of railing against dipshit politicians, usually with an overly obnoxious conservative slant.  I am often quick to make fun of any blunder made by our elected officials charged with running our country - especially when they pull in $174K a year like Mr. Johnson.  And yes, if there is a big capital D after their name, I am all over that in a relentless, Mike Tyson eating your ears off kinda way.  Well, here is a real prize for all y'all.  And I should say that I would have as much fun with this no matter the political affiliation.  BUT, the fact that he runs in the same circles as Obie and Biden makes this a whole lot MORE fun.

Hank Johnson is a Democrat representative from Georgia.  Last week, during a hearing with the House Armed Services Committee, Admiral Robert Willard was discussing a proposal that would station 8,000 servicemembers and their families on the island of Guam, a U.S. territory in the Pacific.  This fukkin brainiac congressman took the microphone and voiced his concern that overpopulation of this small island could .... ARE YOU READY???.....WAIT FOR IT..................... cause it to "tip over and capsize."  Oh I am not fukkin shittin' you!  Apparently, Mr. Johnson operates under the belief that islands are just floating around out there all willy nilly like ducks in a pond.    I am sure you are thinking that he had a brain fart and could not come up with the right word.  OH NO FUKKIN WAY---  he even made a tipping over motion with both hands.    Here ya go.... VIDEO PROOF:  (listen at the beginning... he thinks that Guam is a canoe!)



I love the Admiral's response:  "We don't anticipate that."  LOL   So let's look at this for a moment.  Here we have an elected official who, as a member of the United States Congress, has a role in crafting budgets and voting on foreign policy, yet has no fukkin' idea that islands are, um, ATTACHED to the sea floor.  I am not sure, but the chance of Guam capsizing is highly unlikely.  Who should be more embarassed?  The esteemed gentleman from Georgia or the dumbass voters who put him there?  Can you imagine that when the call goes out to "contact your Representatives" you have to call this moron's office?  Bettin' his telephone is an empty soup can with a string.

MEMO TO HANK JOHNSON before you embarass yourself once again:  The world is ROUND.  There is no edge from which to fall into the dark universe...  just wanted you to know - Columbus proved that a few years ago.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Fenway Park - Where Singles Become Triples

The big Gardner Museum art heist of 1990? P-fuckin-shaw!! That is minor shoplifting compared to what has gone on in Boston during April.

At midnight last night, immediately following the coronation of Darnell MacDonald as the greatest Red Sox player in history, Mayor Mushmouth and Lord Deval of the Patrick were forced to call an emergency summit of all law enforcement personnel to address the alarming escalation of larceny in and around Fenway Park. Statistics have shown that, since early April, non-violent crime has nearly quadrupled in Kenmore Square, with most robberies occuring within the green girders of America's Most Beloved Ballpark. Authorities are now investigating what appears to be an organized crime ring that has infiltrated major league baseball and descended upon the Fens. The core of the problem lies with a gang thieves, similarly dressed in visitors grey, that has systematically stolen all of the bases from Fenway Park. This has prompted Theo "Run Prevention My Ass" Epstein to warn that all remaining home games may need to be cancelled. "We have no more bases. They keep stealing them out from under our weak arms. How can we play games without bases?" These criminals are so brazen that, be it night or day, they are committing their crimes in front of thousands of people and in front of television cameras. What is more troubling is that nobody appears willing to do anything about it except trot out Tim Wakefield's slow as shit knuckleball and Victor Martinez' Johnny Damon-like arm. To be fair, VMart's job title is "catcher" not "catcher/thrower." Vladimir Guerrero (I still don't know if he is Russian or Latino), old legs and all, even stole a base last night without so much as a "Hey you! Put that back!" Vlad?? Really? Wonder if Yogi Berra will be suiting up as a pinch runner for the Stankees when they next visit Fenway.

The solution? The Sox need a fucking superhero on their side.... a crimestopper in a cape or a silly mask might be the only way to stem this crime wave. On second thought.... has anyone ever seen Darnell MacDonald and Batman in the same place?

Monday, April 19, 2010

Ya Gotta Run It To Win It!!

The pasta dinner is over, the finish line is painted and the state offices are closed... must be Marathon Monday up here in New England. Cindy "Hawt Weatherchick" Fitzgibbon just told me that today's weather is perfect for running and every fukkin Boston news station has somebody in Hopkinton walking around the green, amid the port-a-potties and backyard tents, finding someone to interview. First, isn't saying that any kind of weather is perfect for marathons the equivalent of saying hot skewers are the best kind to stick in your eyes?

Here are a few definites to watch for today....

First, apologies to the feminists out there, but a dude is going to win. There is no way EVER that the best female runner in the world could beat the best male runner in the world (or even come within 10 minutes of him). Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch with calls of chauvenism and sexism... It ain't sexist, it's fact. There is a reason the ladies, the wheelchair cruisers and the senior citizens (Masters) have their own divisions and their own laurel wreaths. PS..I can handle any angry emails and comments, so bring it on.

Another definite: A Kenyan is going to win. Sure, the lead pack will be a regular fukkin United Nations parade with a few Japanese, one or two Mexicans and some Ethiopians. Probably a Brit, an Italian and maybe even an American. But by mile 26, they will all be chasing a Kenyan. And that guy will cross the line looking like he could run another fukkin 26 miles. And it is just a matter of time before the BAA creates an American division because there is no way we will ever see an American cross first again. (unless of course a huge cloud of volcanic ash washes over Europe, Asia and Africa a week before the race grounding all the real runners).

Early in the race, as thousands of runners WALK across the starting line, amid the throngs of "marathoners," we will be shown at least one guy in a Spiderman costume, a bride and groom and several people running past the camera giving either the peace sign, a thumbs up or the I Love You sign. And hopefully we will not be treated to any total release of the bowels near the finish line this year (also known as the Uta Pippig Money Shot).

But the thing that causes my shorties to stand on end the most will come later at night. At some point during the 11pm news tonight, we will get the camera shot of the finish line as a few dumb asses walk across the finish line in the dark, arms raised in victory celebrating their incredible feat. For some insane reason, people think of this as some major accomplishment. What? Walking/jogging all day long and finishing a race 9 hours after the winner? Oh that's right... as long as you finish! Give me a fucking break! I'm sorry, but if the winner has already had TWO meals and is on a plane home, you did not finish the race. If you walked it more than you jogged it, you did not finish the race. You do not deserve any special congratulations from your family or any face time on the local news. Um... ANYONE CAN DO WHAT YOU JUST DID!

Just calling it how I see it.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Really Bill? Are You Fahkin' Kidding Me?

Will this guy ever shut the hell up? Mr. Irrelevant showed up and opened his cigar chomping pie hole once again, this time warning us idiot Americans that the Tea Party tone can be dangerous and then Hillary's bitch actually compared the Tea Party protests to Tim McVeigh. He said that "government critics must be mindful that angry words can stir violent reactions." He actually pointed to McVeigh, claiming he was a product of anti-government sentiment that had been sweeping the nation in 1995. Hmmmm, where was Billy's opinion when W was in office while his loud mouthed Chucky Doll wife and the rest of his buddies were speaking out in rather angry words about that administration? As a matter of fact, his wife was quoted as saying "We're Americans and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration." You see, Mr. Intern Fucker, you gotta know that the things you and your people say are recorded for history. Apparently, what Hillary meant was "We are Americans and we have the right to debate and disagree with any administration that is lead by a Republican. But if you dare debate and disagree with a Democrat administration, then you will be causing people to bomb federal buildings."

The Democrats will just as soon have us all believe that the Tea Party is some militant, radical group ready to take up arms and storm the fukkin White House, rape the Portugese Water Dog and piss on the toilet seats. And now Billy Clinton wants us to think that they are this close to inciting domestic terrorism!! WHAT THE FUCK??!! Take a look at how the Tea Party has been portrayed across the various media outlets. Do you have any idea what it is all about? Or do you think it is a group of angry and crazy militants? Be honest with yourself. And then compare your impression to what is real and you tell me if the media is shaping your opinion.

Here is what the Tea Party stands for: First, it is not an organized group. It is simply a term used to identify a series of protests planned around the country to speak out against BIG government and INCREASING taxes. It is about speaking out against a lack of representation in government. It is no coincidence that the protests built up steam after Congress pissed on the wishes of the majority of Americans in the Health Care Enema. But THAT'S IT!!! There is no secret handshake, underground headquarters or gun training classes. But of course, the Dems do not want this type of protest. It goes against their very nature of raising taxes and increasing government. Some way-to-the-left dickheads have actually organized "infiltrations" for these protests. CrashTheTeaParty.org has recruited puppets to show up at Tea Party events holding racist and homophobic signs and have been told to make sure they misspell some words so that they can make the Tea Party supporters appear crude, crass and uneducated. This is not a conspiracy theory - this is fact: CRASH THE TEA PARTY CRASHES Notice how they refer to the Tea Party as a "fake" grass roots organization. Fake???? Really?

So, you see Mr. CumStain, your idiocy is biting you in the ass once again. Just like it did 12 years ago. Please do yourself and this country a favor and stay home. I am sure there are some Judge Judy reruns that can occupy your time.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Yes We Can? Oh No You Can't!

Lord Deval Patrick continues to prove every day that he is one delusional narcissist. Quoted yesterday when asked about his reelection bid, the Governor That Couldn’t actually said these words: “The second term should not be a reward for the first. It should be about finishing what we started.” Wait a minute! Back the fuck up, Gov! A reward??? A reward for what??? For bullshitting your way into the corner office under promises of property tax relief, casino revenue and putting more police officers on the street? A reward for the $10,000 drapes and the jumbo fukkin Cadillac upgrade you started driving on day 2 of your term? Or would you rather be rewarded for trying to get a certain state senator into a high paying state job that had not been filled in 12 years? Maybe the voters should be thankful to you for calling for a boycott of a local hotel that had laid off several housekeepers, even though you had just finished laying off hundreds of state employees yourself? You self righteous hypocrite! Please, Deval, explain to us exactly for what you should be rewarded. Hiring a personal secretary for your wife so she can keep track of her therapy appointments and depression meds? Oh, I know!! Voters should thank you for implementing that bullshit fee on people who visit the RMV in person and then rescinding it a day later because you care about the poor and elderly! F’ing hack!!

By the way, dimwit, reelection SHOULD be a reward for a good first term! Isn’t that the whole fucking point? Do a good job and you get to keep it. To say it is about “finishing what you started” is to say “I know I promised a ton of bullycaca 4 years ago and did not get anything accomplished, but if you give me another 4 years, I really really promise this time.” Oh my gawd it can be painful with you sometimes!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Opening Series to the Skanks: What I Saw

Series one with the Skanks is in the books and the Beantown Boys are down 2 games to 1. Let's be honest people... the Sox can finish the season 16-146, but if those 16 wins are over the hated Yanks, then I'll call it a wikkid pissah year. To me, there are two seasons... the 18 games against Steinbrenner's flunkees and then other 144 games against teams that suck ass. But if the first three games are any indication, it's going to be a fun summer.

Some observations over the past three games:

There may be some new faces on both sides this year, but shit these games still last longer than a fukkin Ken Burns documentary. Both teams are experts at taking their sweet time getting through nine innings. Fucking Pettite is so busy talking to himself sometimes that I swear he is reciting the lyrics to In A Gadda Da Vida between pitches. Hell, in the second game it appeared the Sox and Yanks were working together! How many batters tried to call timeout only to be ignored by the home plate ump? That guy was not giving anyone a timeout. But at least twice, Pussada let a Sox batter suffering from premature evacuation of the batters box off the hook by calling timeout himself. I thought that was pretty cordial of him. But it did look like John Lackey never got the memo- that dude brings it to the plate way quick.

Do we think Nicky Swishy spends the off-season tearing up the track in the Special Olympics or what? Look closely at that guy. The only things missing are the fanny pack and velcro sneakers. I can easily see him doing Elvis impersonations and bowling with bumpers.

Daniel Bard should NEVER throw a changeup again. With his fastball topping out at 100 clicks, his offspeed drops down to 91 mph. That is one beachball sized meatball to major league hitters. Come on young man - run what ya brung... high heat at 100 mph will NOT be hit.

Three games are plenty for me. Get Mikey Lowell in the lineup and sit down Big Popup. I do not give a donkey's dick about the RBI last night - he made the third out in THREE FUCKING INNINGS! Twice with wild flailing swings at curve balls in the dirt. His body language looks like he is tossing a freakin' keg. And he can spew all the tirades he wants at the media - he's been in Boston long enough to know better. Either get back on the juice or go back home and open up a cigar rolling plant.

How many of you heard that loudmouth hag rooting on the Skanks in game 2? What the fuck? 34,000 people and we can make out ONE VOICE?? Was she tossing the camera guys salad or what? We didn't get to see her, but here's my image: When not at Fenway or Yankee Stadium making ears bleed, she is sticking her nasty mug out her Bronx window, 40 oz in hand, yelling at her son Vincenzo to bring home some Freeze Pops.

Closers - Papelsmear cannot go two innings yet. That freakin' bomb he gave up to Granderson has yet to land. And Maryann "I Helped Noah Build The Ark" Rivera just does not get old. Although I still think he represents our best chance to win late inning games.

We all know that stats are out of control. But ESPN is reaching deep when they report that the Yankees set the record last night with 17 straight wins in games that are tied after 7 innings. HUH? I wonder who holds the record for wins in Tuesday games in east coast cities with more than 15,000 in attendance. Give me a fucking break, please!!!

And one last thing. I'm gonna say it - I have to say it - I FUCKING HATE THE "YANKEES SUCK" CHANT!! Nobody hates the pinstripes with more passion than this opinionated, obnoxious wannabe writer. But can we please do away with this embarassing tradition? I have harbored this distaste ever since the 2001 Super Bowl parade in Boston when Larry Izzo (now a member of the NYJ) felt the need to lead the crowd in the silly chant. I hear it when the Sox are playing the Rays in Tampa and I would not be surprised if it was spouted at a baptism in South Boston. Yeah, the dickhead Yankee fans tortured us for years with 1918 and that got old. So has this. Now, if we changed it to AROD SUCKS, that would be new and fresh!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Screw 'Em. This Is Your Time. Go Out And Take It.

Game on... the pre-game was frikkin awesome. Petey Martinez tossing the first pitch was good enough, but wikkid pissah goosebumps when he hugged Johnny Pesky. Sometimes those moments just ooze of phonyness, but this Dominican bear hug was a genuine show of affection. And how about that little shit 5 year old reciting Herb Brooks Miracle speech? "Screw 'em! This is your time." Not sure if that will fire up the New Yorkahs, but it was pretty cool.

Yanks were up first and the greatest player to ever play the game grounded to Scooter O on the first pitch.. the 2010 season has begun. JMFB looks good and the first 3 outs were over quicker than you can say....Holy shit and shinola!!... See See Safatass just showed up on the television... I don't think Matsui signed elsewhere - it appears See See ate him. Well.... that was one fast first inning. I cannot do this all game.

Aw fuck... Pussyada just about knocked over that pole. 1-0 Assholes. But that's okay... we have great defense. A one run lead is nothing...easy to overcome....WHOA!!!! What the fahk Beckett? Granderson hammers one deep to right center! Serving up Easter eggs is no way to start the season. Jeezus... get out of this inning you prick. 4 straight hits and now two on for ARod's boyfriend. Come on pretty boy... help a bruthah out... atta boy... back to ScooterO and we escape further damage.

It only took two innings to shelve the "defense is more important" strategy. Time for a new plan... like "score more runs than the other guys." Gonna need more than good defense to score a few runs off Rerun.

YOUUUUUUUK! Atta boy. Nice lead off double. Now let's just hope Big Popout does something with him. Side note: Looking from the centerfield camera with CC and Papi in the same frame - that's a tv screen full of baseball player right there. A weak freakin' grounder at least moved Youk over for Beltre's moon shot sac fly. One run at time baby. And then JD K Drew looks at strike three to end the inning - SHOCKING!!!

Top of the 4th... F'ing Beckett cannot find his curveball and dishes out singles all around. blah blah blah... a couple of more runs and now we got Gardner at third and Jeter at first. RemDawg just finished predicting a double steal and damned if that sumbitch isn't right again. Freakin' there goes Jeter and VMart makes the throw. Holy shit - Jeter hits the brakes and Scooter cannot make the tag and fahkin Gardner belly slides across the plate - JUST LIKE REMY SAID. Dammit all - 5-1!! There is no way we are coming back from 4 runs down.

Bottom of the inning and Pedroia leads off with a hard grounder to Teshera (I'm tired of trying to spell his name right, so I'm going with how it sounds). Run you little fucker, RUN. YEAH... a head first dive into first nearly gets the little guy trampled by CC Snuffleupagus covering first. He's OUT???? OUT??? YOU ARE FAHKIN KIDDING ME!!! Okay, the replay showed he was out. But Pedroia popped up looking ready to give the ump a true blue donkey punch in the berries. heeheeheee. But alas, another 1-2-fahkin-3 inning. DAMMIT.

5th inning ... Was that KD Drew swinging his bat with two outs? Sure enough was. But what good is a single? We need more than that. Okay - another single, this time by new guy Cameron. Hmmmm... two straight hits off Chubbo... could this be? Oh yeah... SCOOOOOOOOOTER O singles to left. Here comes Drew and the throw from Brett Gardner lands in the freakin mens room. Note this now... the Yanks found a left fielder with a worse arm than Damon. And now the top of the order is up.... Ellz will do something.... IF HE TAKES THE FAHKING BAT OFF HIS SHOULDER!!! Struck out looking???? 5-2 and we let the Spanks off the hook.

Fast forward to the 6th. Base on balls to Pedroia. Okay, lead off runner is on. BAM! VMart rips a double to left giving Youk two Sox in scoring position. Come on you bald sumbitch - do something here. YES, a line drive to right shoots past Nicky Swishy who looks like he has never seen a ball hit at him before. To the wall and Youk is on third. WOOOOOT - just like that the Sox are down one. Big Papi goes quietly and it's the showers for Sabathia. Here is the other new guy. Beltre singles to center and WE ARE TIED!!! Oh yea - order the rings now baby. It's Easter Sunday and the Sox have risen.

Okay, now time for the best bullpen in baseball to hold...um... wait a minute. Walk, double, single... STOP!! Well, that tie score didn't last long. The fuckin Yankees are never dead. Send the ring order back. The Sox suck.

7th inning - I should probably just go to bed. I cannot take this. What's this? Scooter singles. Some life? OH YEAH! PETEY GOES DEEP and just like that, the ring order is back on and the Sox have tied it up baby! Dusty for MVP. Okay Youk, do what you do.... A DOUBLE!!! Youk for MVP! And now Marte and Posada play a game of fetch. Youk to third on a wild pitch. And the next pitch gets past Pussada and the SOX TAKE THE LEAD!!! YANKEES SUCK YANKEES SUCK

Yanks go down quickly in the top of the 8th and now I am wide awake. Just one more insurance run baby. Pedroia is up with Marco and Cameron on base and Joba Chambermaid on the hill. BAM... another RBI for the little guy and to the 9th we go with a 2 run lead. Cue the Dropkick Murphy's - it's Papelboner Time. No problem here and game 1 is in the books. I knew it all along.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

SOX PREVIEW - Defense had better win, cuz we ain't gonna score

Anuthah off season is in the books and the Nation is primed. We have an 8pm start tonight against the Stankees, with JMFB toeing the rubber against See See MyFatAss. I'm wikkid pissed about the prime time start - this is Eastah Sunday aftah all and most of New England will be kneedeep in the middle of a sugar crash by then. But it IS the Yankees and so we don't get the traditional weekday opening game... and that my friends is BULLSHIT.

The big changes for the Sox this year reflect a whole new attitude from the top on down. Apparently so impressed with the success of the Bruins and their one goal/game strategy this season, Theo has thrown offense into the shitter. Gone is Jason Bay. In his place, we get Mike Cameron out of the nursing home and Hermy Jemidah sumthin. WTF??? Sox are obviously trying to save money on baseballs, unhappy with long homeruns over the Pike. Guess they need that money to pay for fuckin' veggie dogs.

No worries on the defensive side of the ball, folks. With Beltre and Scooter O taking their spots on the left side, joining Dusty and Youk, getting a ball past the infield will be tougher than sneaking a Ring Ding past Kirstie Alley. On the outfield lawn, Jacoby moves to left field this year. Francona expects to take advantage of Ellsbury's speed and ability to run UP the Green Monstah to take away the Wall Doubles. Cameron is going to play center, although I have no fahkin' idea why he would be a bettah choice than Ellz. That mutha fukka had better get to the triangle as fast or heads are gonna roll. JD Drew will be taking his bat off his shoulder long enough to spend some time by Pesky's Pole. He drives me freakin' nuts with the backwards K's (STRUCK OUT LOOKING for those of you who don't pencil in the scorebooks at home) but the dude can play some defense.

Finally, what everyone is talking about is the pitching. The rotation is shaping up to be one filthy group of slingers. JMFB, Lester and New Guy go 1-2-3. Any one of those fukkers could start game 1 of any playoff series. And it looks like Douche-K has taken the American spring training seriously - as long as his back holds up better than a Toyota, he should return to his old form - refusing to throw a fukkin strike no matter what the count. Wake and the Ugly Duckling are fighting it out for the fifth spot... I'm pulling for the old guy with the beer belly cuz that Bucholz is tough to look at.

Let the games begin... Go Sox.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Happy Good Friday.... But Answer Me This-

BLASPHEMY ALERT! To my overly religious friends - I would advise you to read this with your mouse hovered over the Back button in your browser, primed for immediate clicking in case something here pisses you off or if you think lightning will strike you for reading any further.

As I sat here on my couch this first Friday of April, I decided to do the math. On Thursday night, this dude has a raucous dinner party with some good buddies and at least one hooker. Boxes of wine and loaves of bread were going like hotcakes. After the group photo ("Everyone who wants in the picture, get on this side of the table."), he volunteers to wash everyone's feet. In the days of sandals and desert strolls, I'm guessing he needed a LOT of water and a surgeon's mask.

As the party is winding down and it is nearing bedtime, our hero sneaks off to the garden for some quiet time. Soon, his best friend shows up with the cops and he gets trucked off to jail thanks to some old law that makes claiming to be the Messiah a Class B felony. To top it off, he finds out that his buddy turned him in for 30 pieces of silver (about $20 bucks). Over the next several hours, he is dragged him back and forth between two judges (King Herrod and Pontius Pilate) who cannot make up their mind about what to do with him. Finally, Pilate declares him innocent. But did he get released? Heck no... Spineless Pilate leaves the final decision up to the crowd outside, who want his balls on a plate for having the nerve to call himself the Son of God. And in a move often found in Massachusetts courtrooms these days, Pilate caves to the popular vote and, in order to save his job, he turns him over to be crucified.

Without so much as a moment of sleep, he is forced to carry a big freakin' cross around the streets of town (the very first Easter parade?) on his way to the site of the big crucifixion. Stripped down to nothing but a towel, his hands and feet are fastened to the 2x4s with railroad spikes and a crown of thorns is placed on his head. This guy spends the next 6 hours dying a slow, painful death. At his last gasp, all goes dark and an earthquake rattles the region.

So, with the math all done... and to any of my religious friends who made it to the end of this post without a bolt of lightning striking you down, can you please answer something for me?
WHY IN HELL IS IT CALLED "GOOD" FRIDAY?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Obie Might Just Be Okay....

You all know I love to take a shit on anything President Obie does, right? Well, to have any credibility (because that means more to me than deck time in May), I have a need to point out when he does something good as well. Now relax... I haven't lost my mind. The guy has had a good couple of weeks. Much props for getting his health care bill passed and getting millions of people covered so that they can now go to the emergency room free of worry. Hey, I don't agree with most of this plan, but there are some good things in it (like crackdowns on the insurance companies). So a teensy bit of praise his way for that (and when I say teensy, picture me holding my thumb and forefinger just about an inch apart like describing an Irish penis).

But then Obie shocked us all with a surprise visit to the troops in Afghanistan. I have been waiting for this for 14 fucking months. Finally, he throws on a military flight jacket and shows a glimmer of support for the men and women in harms way. Gotta give him a big ol' bro hug for that move. Our country needs these kinds of leadership moves from him.

Today, it will be hip waders and a FEMA jacket, standing alongside Governor Patrick, assessing the flood damage in Massachusetts. And now he is going to be okaying the drilling for oil off the coast of Virginia??? I gotta tell you, B. Hussein Obama is really starting to climb up the ladder in my eyes.

APRIL FAHKIN FOOLS!!!!!!!
Oh damn... I'm laughing so hard I just pissed myself. You knew that was coming.... I ain't that clevah and you ain't that stoopid. The health care bill is a mess, the photo op in Afghanistan a joke and the day we drill off the coast of Virginia will be the day Lucifer makes his first snowman.