Sunday, April 4, 2010

SOX PREVIEW - Defense had better win, cuz we ain't gonna score

Anuthah off season is in the books and the Nation is primed. We have an 8pm start tonight against the Stankees, with JMFB toeing the rubber against See See MyFatAss. I'm wikkid pissed about the prime time start - this is Eastah Sunday aftah all and most of New England will be kneedeep in the middle of a sugar crash by then. But it IS the Yankees and so we don't get the traditional weekday opening game... and that my friends is BULLSHIT.

The big changes for the Sox this year reflect a whole new attitude from the top on down. Apparently so impressed with the success of the Bruins and their one goal/game strategy this season, Theo has thrown offense into the shitter. Gone is Jason Bay. In his place, we get Mike Cameron out of the nursing home and Hermy Jemidah sumthin. WTF??? Sox are obviously trying to save money on baseballs, unhappy with long homeruns over the Pike. Guess they need that money to pay for fuckin' veggie dogs.

No worries on the defensive side of the ball, folks. With Beltre and Scooter O taking their spots on the left side, joining Dusty and Youk, getting a ball past the infield will be tougher than sneaking a Ring Ding past Kirstie Alley. On the outfield lawn, Jacoby moves to left field this year. Francona expects to take advantage of Ellsbury's speed and ability to run UP the Green Monstah to take away the Wall Doubles. Cameron is going to play center, although I have no fahkin' idea why he would be a bettah choice than Ellz. That mutha fukka had better get to the triangle as fast or heads are gonna roll. JD Drew will be taking his bat off his shoulder long enough to spend some time by Pesky's Pole. He drives me freakin' nuts with the backwards K's (STRUCK OUT LOOKING for those of you who don't pencil in the scorebooks at home) but the dude can play some defense.

Finally, what everyone is talking about is the pitching. The rotation is shaping up to be one filthy group of slingers. JMFB, Lester and New Guy go 1-2-3. Any one of those fukkers could start game 1 of any playoff series. And it looks like Douche-K has taken the American spring training seriously - as long as his back holds up better than a Toyota, he should return to his old form - refusing to throw a fukkin strike no matter what the count. Wake and the Ugly Duckling are fighting it out for the fifth spot... I'm pulling for the old guy with the beer belly cuz that Bucholz is tough to look at.

Let the games begin... Go Sox.

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