Wednesday, May 26, 2010

It's Simple Alphabet Rules: C's ain't B's

We’ve been here before… just a few weeks ago, as a mattah of fact. Hey Sully, the Broons are up 3-0 baby! Yeah...LOOOOOOOCH is AWESOME!  The Flyers are fahkin’ toast and they can finally shave their fahkin faces!!! Stanley Cup finals here we come. What’s that? We lost game 4 in OT? No fahkin problem… nobody chokes on a 3-0 series lead except Maryann Rivera and his 2004 Spankees. Fahkin WRONG!!! 4 games and a super Philly cheese steak kick in the berries later and our Broons were washing golf balls while the Flyers were exposing the Canadiens for the great northern frauds they were.

Now here are my Celtics… fresh off a lesson in TEAM basketball for LeBron “King This” James, the boys in green commenced to kicking the Disney shit out of SuperDouche and his Orlando Magic. Wham… bam… Dwight Howard sucks… thank you Maam and the C’s quickly went up 3-0. The Magic are D O N E done! Yeah, I know the similarities are there… blah blah blah… lose game 4 in overtime… yada yada yada. NO, not this time!! You see, the Celtics are not going all Bruins on our asses. We have the better coach (sorry, Stan Van Panic, but you are a joke!) and we have the best player in the playoffs in Rajon Rondo… I don’t want to hear about Howard’s astronomical shooting percentage. I have never seen a more overrated player than the dunk machine. The ESPN talking heads made a huge deal about Superman’s shooting percentage against Atlanta (84%)… give me a fuckin’ break – if all your shots are dunks, you are bound to inflate your percentage. Get that big ass more than 5 feet from the basket and he cannot find the fucking rim! Seriously, he is just a big strong mo-fo who can rebound and block shots… but don’t come anywhere near calling him one of the best players in the game. Until he can score anything except layups and dunks, keep him off that list. Gimme Rondo, Pierce, Allen, Garnett and the rest of the team any day… Please put it to rest tonight boys so we can finally get on with forgetting about those fukkin Broons!!!

PS… put the BEAT LA shirts away people… them thar Los Suns have tied it up and Steve Nash seems to get better with every broken bone and open wound. The perfect matchup in the finals would be Boston vs. Phoenix! Wonder what the Boston City Council will do regarding their boycott of anything Arizona then!

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