Wednesday, June 16, 2010

NBA Finals... Get it done Celts!!!

Glug glug glug... mmmmm.... can you taste it?  The Budweiser can is cold to the touch and patriotic to the eyes.  As I sit here at my table this evening, still suffering through a ShitShow hangover thanks to last night's New Jersey Nets impersonation by the boys in green, the beer is going down quicker than an early spring waterfall.  With game 7 looming on the horizon, and Perk's knee taking a holiday, I am having a hard time looking forward.  Well, except for the fact that tomorrow we ride...  Laconia bound on the bikes for some mini-mayhem, Granite State style.

So, I offer up these wishes for Game 7:

-  Will the Nip n' Tuck docs please get down to the Staples Center and help remove Mark Jackson's nose from Kobe Bryant's balls?  How the fuck can it be responsible journalism when you go on and on about the "clinic" Bryant is putting on while his team's deficit grows?  The kissing up to Kobe has reached nauseating proportions...  the rule seems to be that if you get anywhere near Kobe, one of two things can happen.  Either you get a foul called against you.  Or you get the aggravated rape special. 

- I don't want to hear another freakin' word about how Phil Jackson teams are undefeated in series in which they win game 1, dating back to when Jesus was in a diaper...  the baby Jesus, not the hanging on a cross Jesus.  That is not a streak... it is a COINCIDENCE!!

-  No more talk about LENGTH!!!    That seems to be the buzz word of this year's finals....   At what point did we start referring to tall guys as having length?  What the fahk is that about?  "Oh, the Celtics will struggle against the length of the Lakers."  You and I both know what you think of when someone talks about the length of a dude.  Are they setting screens on their peckers?  Is it a slight against the Irish?  I find that offensive!

- Will that Doris whatever her fukkin name is please do a 1:1 halftime interview with Kobe and his rape victim?   You know.. the kind where everyone cries and shit.  I am still dying to know how much that slimy prick paid out to shut the girl up.  Talk about sweeping a violent crime under the rug... every national sports pundit should be ashamed when they glow about Kobe the Ripper (thanks Steve for the nickname).  He's a fukkin "alleged" rapist.  (had to include that - don't want the NBA fining me for complaining about Kobe)

- Since Perk is out for Game 7, it is now up to Sheed to make me smile.  I want that sumbitch to pick up one technical foul early.  Since this is the last game, there will be no one game suspension.  And as long as it is only one technical, he can keep playing.  And since I am making wishes, I wish for the tech to somehow involve him swinging Pau Gasol around by his greasy locks.

- Oh and one more wish... please win the trophy.  Pass the big basketball around on that ugly fukkin yellow floor and then shove that mutha straight up Jack Nicholson's chute!  That old prick needs a good ol' fashioned Beantown Colonoscopy.

Signing off to finish my beer...   off to watch Shrek and Donkey to get back in a good mood.

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