Friday, July 9, 2010

James and Bosh Not The Only Ones New In Miami

Immediately following the LeBron James television special where he donned his crown and announced to the free world that he would be signing with the Miami Heat, the ripple effect has taken hold of Pat Riley's spreadsheets and payroll account.  "It is obvious that we are now in a position to restructure our 12 man roster to make room for LeBron," Riley said in a phone interview from his newly rented studio apartment in Little Havana.  "With DWade, LeBron and that other new guy with the funny hair, we no longer have any money to pay the rest of the guys."  Riley claims to have already started reaching out to younger, cheaper players to fill out the roster.  "I am happy to report that things have progressed nicely with Tyler Hoot, a 5'9" center out of Monroe Middle School and we expect a deal to be reached soon."  Hoot is well known in Pat Riley's neighborhood as one of the top players to come out of 8th grade this year.  According to Hoot's agent and mother, Adrienne Hoot, terms of the contract will remain undisclosed.  However, sources close to Tyler are indicating that it will be a one year deal that will exceed his current allowance of $5 per week.  Hoot is expected to step into the void left by the exiting Jermaine O'Neal.  What he lacks in height, strength, length and experience, he makes up in the ability to text while dribbling.  Hoot is expected to miss the first week of training camp to get his braces off.

Hoot is not the only target on Riley's list.  At midnight last night, the Heat reached a trade agreement with the Oklahoma City Thunder that will create additional room under the salary cap.  If approved by David Stern, the Heat will send Michael Beasley and his big fat contract to the Thunder in exchange for a bag of basketballs and a Kevin Durant autograph.  A person close to the Thunder locker room have said that the Thunder may also throw in Annie Minchen to sweeten the deal.  Minchen (left) is the rather pretty centerpiece of the Thunder Girls who reportedly has a pisser 3 point stroke.

Although Riley still has work to do, adding Hoot and Annie to the new Big Three is a good first step.  And with his people still scouring the middle schools and street courts, things are looking up.

On a related note, the Heat have announced that ticket prices will be going up this year.  Prices will range from $900 for back row, near the ceiling seats to $2 million for courtside tickets.  Fans are expected to bring their own flashlights to help light up the floor as the franchise has shut off their electricity to pay James.

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