Thursday, July 22, 2010

To Shit or Not To Shit... Brett Favre finally decides

ESPN is reporting this morning that Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre is planning to announce today whether or nor he will start taking his shits either before or after his morning coffee, ending weeks of speculation and a firestorm of questions that followed an appearance on Pardon The Interruption in June.  Camera crews and reporters are setting up all over Favre's neighborhood in East Bumfuck, Mississippi, itching to get the news straight from the horse's ass's mouth himself.  In interviews earlier this week, Favre has hinted that he may be changing his morning routine during the summer months but he has refused to provide any definitive information.  In the Five Good Minutes segment on PTI (which was actually changed to Ten Good Minutes for Favre) back on June 12th, Favre admitted to Mike Wilbon that he is getting older and is waking up earlier and earlier.  He hinted that now he sometimes feels like moving his bowels as soon as he gets up in the morning whereas for years he would drop a deuce in the bowl after his morning coffee and toast.  Favre insists that he is still feeling like a kid and enjoys his morning constitutional like everyone else.  But TMZ has aired footage of Favre running into the port-a-john at the high school field where he is working out, with his knees tight together and his right hand on his ass like he is holding back the tide.  Favre has scheduled a 12:00 press conference on his front lawn, behind an extra large podium built specifically for Brett and his oversized ego.

It is well documented that he spends his off season throwing fastballs to high school receivers on a dirt field here in Mississippi.  One of his young buddies will be happy when this is all over and they can get back to catching balls and smoking dope behind the bleachers.  "Dude, ever since Brett talked about taking a crap on PTI, that's all people wanna talk about.  I'm all done with that, yo.  I just wanna get off the field with my fingers intact and get back to the farm and get a handy from my beeyatch."

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