Friday, July 30, 2010

Welker Is One Tough Sumbitch

Can you smell it?  mmmmm.... Smells like football.  I get all fahkin tingly this time every year.  Pats training camp opened yesterday.  The high school two-a-days start in two weeks and my boy will be playing his finaly year of the foosball.  Things are looking up for the team everybody loves to hate.  I don't care - hate my Pats.  Call them cheaters.  Call them washed up.  Say whatever the hell your jealous ass can come up with.  I can't hear you.

Welker scores on the J-E-T-S (suck)
It's a long way away from Houston last January when Wes Welker went spaghetti legs on the 3rd rate turf and dropped Patriot nation into a state of woe is me.  This little fukker took hits all year long that would have driven most mortal players onto the IR list.  But some bad grass ended our playoff hopes and a couple of days later, we were told he would miss most of the 2011 season.  Holy fuck!!  Well, I thought back then, the Pats had better get their asses together and find a slot receiver in draft or trade or our season is FUCKED.  And apologies to Julian "NOT WES" Edelman, but you ain't it.  For some reason, probably cuz he's small and white, everyone had him penciled in as a replacement for Welker.  Dudes - Julian was a freakin' QUARTERBACK in college.  Not a receiver.  A very nice player, but he wasn't gonna cut it.  So the Pats went out and picked up Tory Holt.  HUH?  He ain't a slot receiver.  And he may end up being the Joey Goaway of 2011.   (psst - that's Galloway for you slow ones).

Well, it seems lil Wes is even tougher than I had thought.  That sonofabitch was MEDICALLY CLEARED TO PLAY for the start of training camp yesterday.  He wasn't gonna be ready until November at the earliest and now he is strapping on the helmet and getting back to work.  There are those asshats out there who hate the Pats and the HGH whispers have already started.  Perhaps, but who gives a shit?  There are a lot of things out there designed to help people heal quicker that are not banned in the NFL (surgery, physical therapy, Playboy mansion parties).  But I subscribe to the more realistic belief that Welker is a superhero.  Give him a cape and a utility belt and he's fukkin Batman.  Either way, my favorite player since Troy Brown is back and looks ready to play game 1.  There I go again, gettin' all tingly over football.  I think I have issues.

The offseason tends to sap memories, so let me point out some things that are not talked about that will give us some optimism this year.  Last year, our receiver core consisted of Joey Goaway and David Dropsy McDropsy Pants Aiken.  This year we have Holt, Brandon Tate and David Patten making his return.  We have Tommy Brady-Bunchen strapped up on the first day of training camp without a contract.  No holdout for #12.  This guy will have a deal before Labor Day.  Fred Taylor is healthy and still have Kevin Faulk, Sammy Morris and the other guy who likes to fumble at the one yard line whose name escapes me who should be playing semi-pro ball fahchristsake.

When is kickoff?

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