Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Pre-season Football - Who Has Bigger Moobs?

I love preseason football for one obvious reason... the real stuff is just weeks away.  But honestly, is there anything less interesting than watching the fourth stringers of two teams knocking each other around trying to impress the coaches and cameras?  Who gives a flying fart if an 82nd round draft pick from Mifflin Community College has looked strong in camp or makes a big hit on a punt return?  That dude is already back at his real job, asking customers if they would like any bagels or Munchkins with their coffee.

Last night, the entire Underwood family tuned in to watch the G Men and Gang Green get together in their new digs just off exit 16 of the Jersey PukePike.  Oh sure, the stadium is beautiful.  But let's face it - it is just off the Pike and only months away from stinking like urine.  I really was not watching for the football, but rather wanted to be sure that in the event a big fukkin sink hole opened up at the 50 yard line, I did not want to miss the chance to see these two teams get swallowed up faster then a ice cream sandwich on Rex Ryan's plate.  But there were some good moments... Dirty Sanchez tossed a pick into double coverage with his very first pass!  YAY!  But it got better... The Other Manning got fahkin tuned up in the second quarter, looking like a pinball stuck in the bumpers when he bounced off Jacobs, only to get drilled in the back by a Jet and his helmetless hillbilly head crashed into another teammates pads on his way to the turf, opening up a fahkin gunshot wound on his forehead.   WOOOOOHOOOOOO!   I do love football.   All in all, I actually spent the game rooting for the Giants (but had to take a hot shower afterward because I felt so fahkin dirty for it).  And some UMass grad named Cruz scored 3 touchdowns.  He will be all over the NY Post today.  And back at the donut shop tomorrow.

Final question... have watched two preseason games so far and am left with this to ponder:  Who has a bigger rack?   Rex Ryan or Billy Belichick?  Jeezus, I think both guys used their 2010 playoff share for sloppy implants!  Rexy and Billy, I have two words for you:   SPORTS BRA

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