Thursday, September 2, 2010

Circle Jerk? Now That's Funny!

Dear Earl,

Listen up you big mutha fukkah!! You don’t scare me! Instead of spinning around over the ocean faster than a one armed whore in a circle jerk, threatening to soak the first night of football in New Hampsha, why don’t you try doing something a little more fitting for a storm of your Oprah like girth? Like making a hard left at Long Island and trying to move that fat ass Rex Ryan from the lunch table. You are a week too late to wash Aw Shucks Palin and the Big LeBeckski off the DC mall (yeah, even some of us way to the right conservatives recognize morons when we see them - no seriously – I side with them politically, but who the fuck thought it would be a good idea to put these two asshats on the same stage? And even worse, in the same vicinity of that other loud mouth, good for abso-fucking-lutely nothing Al Sharpton – is that douche even relevant any longer?).

Earl, I refuse to give in to your threats. You will not see me waste perfectly good masking tape on my windows, nor will you see me rushing the aisles of the supermarket, stepping on ol’ Mrs. Clifford’s 38 longs just to get the last gallon of water. Sure, you are a hurricane now! But let’s face it… by the time you get here, you will be nothing but a windy day of rain. I remember Bob and I remember Gloria… storms that were going to destroy the New England coast… pussy storms. Oh, I am going to that football game tomorrow night. I am bringing an umbrella and I might even wear a Hefty bag poncho. But I am not changing my plans.



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