Monday, September 20, 2010

MANIC MONDAY - Oh That Sucked!

Aahhhhh, the fahkin JETS!!  Gawdamitall!!  Why oh why did the Pats decide to go all Lions on us against the New York Fukkin Jets?  Yep, this was not nearly as good an NFL Funday as last week - watching Dirty Sanchez do a TB impersonation in the second half and render the Patsies a bunch of bums was no way to spend a Sunday.  Defensively, Darius McGrabbyhands needs a lesson in pass defense that does not include tackling the receiver before the ball gets there.  And Golden Boy Brades was the king of the overthrow and lord of the underthrow, all in the same fahkin game!!  Oh, how bout them running backs?  Old Man Taylor looked the best, but only because he ripped off a 40 yahdah that would be called back thanks to an illegal procedure penalty.  But why in the hell did he only run it 5 more times after that?  BenJarvis GreenEllisSmithBrownHannigan carried the ball 10 times for a staggering 19 yards.  Holy shitty running backs, Batman!   Mr. Bunchen summed it up perfectly in his post game comments:  "We couldn't get the running game going.  We couldn't get the passing game going.  We sucked."

Revis Island?  Seems He Had Help
Don't let my angry mood fool you into thinking there was nothing good to come from yesterday's tilt.  I was in full man-crush mode when the "Slouch" made that one handed grab in the endzone while Derrelle Penis was grabbing at his hammy like a bitch.  Seems the big mouth needed to have an excuse ready - funny we never saw him even so much as flinch when he kept Moss from making a catch.  Another dude in the making is Aaron Hernandez.  I like me some Big Gronk, but this Hernandez kid is some kinda tight end too.  Another week, another 45 yard catch and run.  How about we say fuck the running game and just put all tight ends in the backfield?  It might just work.... what a difference a year makes!

And for the J E T S!!!  Braylon Edwards typifies the cocky, I'm an asshole personality of the entire team.  His taunting penalty early should have been repeated after his two point conversion, but the officials let that one slide.  Crying Bitch Tomlinson... I had it up to my New England eyeballs with Phyllis Sims and Jim Nancy raving about how there is still life in those legs and excuse his celebrations as a "message to the NFL that I'm still here."  Let it go Tomlinson... you were bitch slapped a few years ago by Belichick and the boys and you are still angry.   I get it.  But it is just a two yard gain!  But early in the game, there was Eric Smith.  This prick hammered his forearm into Welker's helmet, an obvious intent to hit the head and probably an attempt to make his own day easier by taking Welker out of the game.  This cheap shot will draw a fine, no doubt.  Smith has a track record of trying to injure and has been fined in the past (CLICK HERE)...  so his bullshit attempt at trying to walk up to Welker while in the huddle a few plays later during a time out was met with the perfect response from Wes...  Welker didn't even acknowledge Smith's attempt to apologize.  Because he knows that asshole was trying to take his head off.  He's lucky Brady or someone did not tear his nuts off and feed them to Sexy Rexy for a halftime snack.

Other useless notes from around the NFL

I cannot believe I found myself rooting for a division foe, but that is exactly what I was doing yesterday when the Dolphins were taking on the Old Man in Purple.  Three interceptions and a fumble for a touchdown later, I remain happy with the goings on in Minnysota!  Seriously Favre...  go home.  No seriously... go home.  Buh fukkin bye!

The Manning Bowl was on national television last night (SURPRISE!!)... and we had to be treated with home movies??  The 35 mm film kind.  Did I really need to know that Eli was a crying bitch since way before he whined about being drafted by the Chargers?  No...   the good news was that, aside from a sink hole opening up at the 50 yard line and swallowing both teams, one of the Mannings had to lose last night.  To make it sweeter is that the one that lost (ahem, Eli, ahem), looked like shit while losing.  LOVED THAT! 

Michael Vick is back...  with nary a dead dog to be found, Vick reappeared on the NFL scene yesterday.  In doing so, he threw for over 200 yards against the Lions and gave Kevin Kolb a bad case of the "Aw shits."  But everyone relax...  As soon as Kolb is no longer seeing the big dipper during the day, he will once again be taking the snaps and Vick will be returned to backup status.  Until later in the season when Kolb is suddenly attacked by a pack of pit bulls on his way to his car after practice.

Psych hospitals are on the lookout in Tennessee after Jeff Fisher yanked Vince Young from the game yesterday.  Young tossed two picks and fumbled the ball away once against the Stillers.  Kerry Collins finished the game 17-25 with a touchdown and a pick.  We all remember the last time Vince Young wasn't feeling the love, right?  In this game yesterday, Dennis Dixon and Young both left and were replaced respectively by Charlie Batch and Kerry Collins.  Holy Quarterbacks in Depends, Batman!!!  Jeezus, I could hear knees creaking all the way up here in New Hampsha.  No wonder the score was 19-11.

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