Thursday, September 23, 2010

Pudding CEO Denies Sexual Harassment

A nationally revered dessert mogul is standing up against charges of sexual harassment this week. Georgie Porgie, CEO of Pudding n' Pie, Inc. made the rounds on the national morning news programs today, refuting allegations that he kissed the girls and made them cry. "I only kissed one girl," Porgie told a national audience on Good Morning America, "and it was purely consensual." The identities of the victims have not been released, but sources close to the story indicate that one of the girls has been admitted into a psychiatric hospital for observation, suffering from post traumatic stress disorder. "Porgie is one ugly son of a bitch, so you can certainly understand their reactions," one civil lawyer was heard to say.

Porgie denies any wrongdoing and also denies that he ran away when all the boys came out to play. "First of all, she was all dressed up like Goldilocks, obviously asking for it. And then the two of us ended up sitting in a tree. To me, I'm thinking first comes love, then comes marriage... yada yada yada." When asked why all the girls ran away, Porgie was evasive in his answer. "I don't really know. Maybe they saw a spider coming after their curds and whey. Or maybe they are just a bunch of pilers on, kinda like ambulance chasers looking for a quick buck." Porgie has suspended all Pudding and Pie production pending the outcome of the case.

In other local news, three brothers found their 15 minutes of fame last night in a scary way. The Moe brothers, Eeny, Meeny and Miney were out frollicking in their backyard when a tiger came crouching out of the woods. Luckily, the three young men were quick on their feet and immediately caught the tiger by the toe. But when the trapped beast started to holler, the brothers let him go. Animal control is still on the lookout for the wild animal and warning people to stay in their homes until he is found.

YEAH, I'M FAHKIN TWISTED

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