Monday, September 13, 2010

That's A Good Sunday: Week 1 NFL Recap

Week one is in the books… (a Monday night double headah notwithstanding) and yours truly spent Sunday with bonerfide NFL smile on my hungover face. It started Thursday night when the Saints gave Favre a refresher course in why he should retire and it just got better and better during the day yesterday. First things first… the statement makin’ muthafukkin asskickin the good boys dealt to Batman and Robin and their collection of misfits in orange tiger stripes!

Someone (I’m goin with Boomer Esaison) said it best during one of the pregame bullshit sessions when he pointed out that the team with the best wide receiver tandem on the field in Foxboro was New Fahkin England!! Everyone wanted to hype up TO and Ochodinko, forgetting that two guys named Mossman and Wes were on the other sideline. Super Wes and his bionic knee snagged two scores early and the Bengirls were reeling. I’ll take Brady, Welker and Moss over ANY receiver threat in the league. Yeah, Ocho got his yards (150 or so and a score), but all after the game was AWL DUN. And neither Ochocinco nor TO were even on the field for the hail mary at the end of the first half (cuz TO thought it was already halftime, he was walking into the locker room and Stinko had cramps). Brandon “What the Fuck Was That Blur” Tate and the Big Gronk each notched their first NFL touchdowns yesterday. It was ones across the board for my man Gronk - Thrown to once, he had 1 catch for 1 yard and 1 touchdown. And Tate put the kibosh on any gun firing plans Ocho had by turning the game into a blowout with his hop, skip and run like fuk kick return to open the second half. With the game out of reach when Dinko scored, he could only just sprint back to his sideline with his angry face… even he knows ya cannot showboat when you are down by three scores.

Two disturbing things from yesterday – but nothing to worry about yet: Kevin Faulk dropped TWO passes and Gostkowski missed TWO field goals. The next time those two things happen in the same game, the Clippers will be NBA champions and I’ll be voting a straight Democratic ticket.

PS… there were two moments in the fourth quarter yesterday that has me doing a complete about face today on how I feel about Chad Johnson. After catching a pass on the sidelines, did y’all notice the little slap on the ass Ocho dealt to Belichick? Some people want to think of that as a moron or asshole move. But those two actually get along very well and Billy Boy has freely admitted that he likes Chad’s style and his talents. There is certainly a mutual respect there, which was cool to see. But even better was when Merriweather nearly turned him into an ocho looking for his cinco, lighting him up in fine fashion with a clean but crushing hit on the sidelines. To his credit, Ocho popped up, pointed at Merriweather and patted him on the helmet, giving him ultimate props for a hit well delivered. He smiled and continued to point in his direction as if to say, “Holy fuck, you can bring it!” I can see a certain someone taking Ocho Uno’s place at the Razor in the near future, can’t you?

Outside The Razor:

The Steelers escaped their home opener with an overtime victory over Atlanta in a game that featured two quarterbacks that have never waved their dicks at drunk chicks in a restroom. This field goal fest must have had the Stiller fans yawning because neither team could find their way into the endzone for 4 quarters. Let’s face it – field goals are points. But unless it clinches a victory, a field goal is a lot like the bottom of a bag of chips… better than nothing, but it still sucks.

I loved watching Romo and the ‘boys choke on their own vomit last night. In case you were sleepyface by then, Romo scrambles and threw a game tying TD pass to Roy Williams with an extra point coming. But offensive lineman Alex Barron thought that play would be a good opportunity to teach Redskin linebacker how to slow dance and put him in a freakin’ choke hold.

Colts, they lost. Enough said. Those muthafukahs still scare the shit out of us Pats fans, so to see there will be no undefeated talk this year makes us all feel good. The Tim Teblow experiment is still an experiment. The most overrated player in decades made his debut, stepping under center just twice yesterday to run the QB sneak. Seriously, can we all stop the bullshit? Did ESPfukkinN need to show both carries on SportsCenter? Did CBS really need to go to a game break to show us Tebow’s first NFL carry? 2 carries for 2 yards. At this rate, he will reach 1000 yards about the same time Kevin Faulk drops two passes in a game.

One last NFL note: Tonight, I’m rootin’ hahd for the Ravens to smoke the J E T S but am not looking forward to listening to the morons in the booth tell me how Dirty Sanchez has matured into an elite NFL quarterback despite the fact he still cannot figure out which uniform his receivers are wearing.

Have a great week shitheads!!!   Be back next Monday with a Rex Ryan Chokes On A Twinkie story.

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