Monday, October 11, 2010

Manic Bye Week Monday

Hey yo shitheads!!!   The Flyin' Elvis took the weekend off, so my Sunday was filled with sittin' around outside, nursin' a 24 beer hangover from the night before.  Word to the wise... after swillin' a couple drafts while your kids are touring SpookyWorld, do NOT sneak into the VIP bonfire area.  And more importantly, do not take it upon yourself and toss a 15 foot log into the bonfire with the help of a buddy.  Apparently, the wood police don't like it when you throw safety to the shitter.  So, after nearly getting tossed from Nightmare New England, we thought it would be best to just go home.

Yesteday's NFL Boner was brought to you courtesy of the Dallas Donkeys when they found a new way to lose and make yours truly a happy man.  After a few hours of watching Dumbo throw to the wrong team, Jason Whitten tied the game and then earned himself an excessive celebration penalty.  The ensuing kickoff was from their own 15 yard line.  And the Cowboys special teams decided it was their turn to shit their pants and allowed the return to their own 20, and then tacked on another personal foul penalty when kicker decided the pull the Titans return dude by the face cage.  Bam....  game over, thanks for playing, and oh yeah... nice stadium you got there asshole.  Wade Phillips spent post game bitching about the celebration penalty when the sad sack should have been bitching about his team's failure to cover a kickoff and for their 12 fahkin penalties during the game.  

The rest of Sunday was great as well, including the Oakland taking a shit on Rivers and the Chargers and Josh McDaniels losing again.  And me never being a big fan of ANYTHING Notre Dame, I must confess that my favorite stat line of the day falls next to Jimmy "Losing Record In College" Clausen....9 for 22 for 61 yards and a pick.  Sadly, he wasn't even the worst quarterback on the field... Bears QB Todd Collins was 6 for 16 for 32 yards and 4 picks.  That's a fahkin QB rating of 6.2... LOLOLOL.  But the Bears won... proving once again that Clausen certainly knows how to lose.  By the way, can someone explain to me why a university with a wikkid French name (Notre Dame) is called the Fighting Irish?  Did they feel the French Ladies was not tough sounding?   How about the Running French?

Oh yeah... Saturday had its moments for me as well... not the least of which was watching Nick Saban and his Crimson Tide choke on a hair ball and fall to the South Carolina Gamecocks  (hheeeeee, I said cocks).  The only problem there is that another douchebag coach was on the winning side.  I would rather see Saban and Steve Spurrier in a fight to the death that ends in a draw.

Tonight, we get to watch the Mossman play his first game with the guy with moss on his back.  I am just hoping to hear more stories about Favre texting pictures of his junk to hot reporters.  Rumor has it that Old #4 also sent a few prick pics to Moss to entice him to come play for the Vikes.  "Hey Randy, check out my tool.  When I tug on it, it looks like a Viking horn." 

Okay... that's about all I got... time to sweep the chimney, cover the pool and send a letter of apology to Spooky World.  Adios bitches!

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