Friday, October 8, 2010

Obama Buys Out Glee to Close Enthusiasm Gap

Just call them Gleeks.  Plagued by an "enthusiasm gap" that has the Democrat party shaking in their panties, majority leaders authored a new bill that experts say will close that gap and ensure a hold on the majority status in both houses.  The bill earmarks federal dollars to purchase 51 percent ownership of the popular Fox television series, Glee.  Effective immediately, the cast of the musical hit will feature such television personalities as Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi and will introduce Christopher Dodd as the singing janitor.

Given the popularity of Glee, the Democrats are hoping that the teenage fans of the television show will be able to convince their parents into voting for the cast members.  Also included in the bill is an item that changes voting laws to allow teenage girls the right to vote.  That ought to beef up the enthusiasm.  "This was Sasha's idea and I love it." said a boastful President Obama during a press conference. 

What about the show itself?   "President Obama has an incredibly average voice and could contend for an Emmy," claimed Executive Producer Brad Falchuk.  The shows producers will provide Mr. Obama with a hat to keep his ears from disrupting camera lines.  "He will need to learn how and when to turn his head so as not to obstruct his fellow players."  They will also place teleprompters all around the sound stage to help the President remember his lines.  Pelosi will not be given any singing scenes but rather will use her talents to play the role of a standup plant in the corner of the Principal's office.  Dodd expects to be the fan favorite known for his whimsical dance pieces with a mop and bucket.

The measure also represents a marriage of strange bedfellows.  The White House administration just a year ago attempted to ban Fox reporters from White House events and pleaded with Americans to boycott the network in its entirety.  So what are we to think about this unlikely partnership?  The reality is that now that the government has assumed control of the auto industry and the healthcare industry, they have turned their sights toward Fox.  "What better way to control your enemies than to just buy them out?" said Pelosi.  "Glee is just the beginning.  Soon, we will own American Idol and we will bring back 24, this time starring new hero Bill Clinton as Jack Blowhard."

The bill does not come without controversy.  The Republicans are criticizing the methods the Democrats used in getting the bill passed.  The bill sped through the Senate and the House without a single opposition vote.  "They used deception in order to have their bill float through.  It was dirty politics and we are not happy about that," claims Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.  "Just as we were walking into the chamber, someone yelled out that Glen Beck was having an impromptu rally on the Capitol steps.  Obviously, we all ran back outside."  Once the chamber was free of Republicans, the Democrats locked the doors and quickly held their vote. 

So now, with the government takeover of Glee complete, expect to see this "enthusiasm gap" shrink down to a more manageable "ambivalence gap" as the Democrats seek to maintain their stronghold on Congress.

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