Friday, October 15, 2010
More Boobs In The News
(No, this is not about Joe Biden):
In Pittsfield, MA, a woman has gathered enough signatures (about 250) to place a non-binding question on the town ballot to free the titties. Catherine Gundelfinger is seeking gender equality when it comes to public nudity. Good ol’ Catherine thinks that women should be allowed to walk the streets, lie on the beaches and do jumping jacks on Main Street with the twins on full display. If approved, this referendum will send Pittsfield’s state rep to Beacon Hill with the job of introducing legislation to amend the definition of nudity that is currently on the Massachusetts books so that “no part of the female breast is included in the definition.” In other words, she wants “indecent exposure” to only encompass the lower regions - Hide your ass, but free your girls!
Hold on to your bra straps, people – this may stun you… I AM TOTALLY AGAINST THIS IDEA! And my objection has nothing to do with worrying about young kids seeing boobs at Chuck E Cheese. If someday topless women become an every day sight, it will destroy what is so endearing about a nice set of hooters. It’s the mystery of it all – it is seeing a woman with a good rack and wondering what’s happenin under the hood. It’s that silent “TA DAA!! We’ve got nipple!” voice in our head when the shirt first comes off. If you can just as easily see a set of guns at Market Basket, then the suspense is gone!
And here’s another reason why releasing the hounds is a very bad idea. Have you even been to Pittsfield? No? I know this: Motorboats and trampolines will be the furthest thing from your mind out there. Just take a walk through your local Wal-Mart and looky see the women roaming the aisles. And now I want you to picture them all topless! GET THE HINT??? Just cuz you got boobs, it doesn’t mean you got boobs I wanna see. Put those things back under cover fahchrissake! My money says that if the question passes in Pittsfield, come next November, men of all ages will be canvassing the neighborhoods rounding up signatures to repeal the new definition of nudity.
Since today is the Ides of Fahktober, what better time than now to hear from Rodney Carrington, Disciple of the Bosom.