Wednesday, November 13, 2013

B Cell Batteries??? Answering Life's Mysteries For The Good Of Man

Do you ever think about stuff and find yourself wondering "What the fuck is that all about?"  Well, we here are SnG are the ever-pondering, oft-philosophical sumbitches that, in an effort to edjumacate readers who stop by here during their break from crushing candy, are tirelessly working at breaking down the mysteries of life.  Like, what exactly does " betting dollars to dougnuts" mean?  Honestly, if I'm wagering money, then you better be bringing something more to the action than a honey dipped cruller!



Along similar lines, there is also a trash heap of deep questions with answers that nobody really gives a bag of dicks to know.

I don't care if it was the chicken or the egg or the gawdam rooster.  Seriously Plato boy, just put those bitches on my plate with a side of crispy bacon and leave me the hell alone.  We cannot even figure out if the human race came from Adam and Eve, a tadpole or a big fukkin' bang.  Do we really need to know if the chicken begat the egg or the egg begat the chicken?  And while I'm at it, I don't give a fuck why the chicken crossed the road.... probably to get away from that dick swinging Foghorn Leghorn.

I don't care who put the ram in the ram a lam a ding dong, who wrote the fukkin' book of love or what you would do for a Klondike Bar (unless it involves Scarlett Johannson and a bowl of Cool Whip).  Don't wanna know how much that doggie in the window is nor could I give a turd how much fukkin' wood that sumbitch can chuck.

And you, sweet little freckle faced Annie - when you say knock knock and I say "Who's there?" I don't really care.  I'm just trying to shut you up so you will leave me alone.  And no, I'm not glad you didn't say banana.  I DON'T CARE.  And can someone tell that wise-ass owl that it doesn't matter how many licks - just eat the fukkin' lollypop, fahchrissake!!

By the way, they are fahkin' cartoon characters, so it doesn't really matter if you think Superman can whoop Batman's ass or if Goofy is a dog or cow.

If you truly want to help mankind, if you are the pensive type who wants to answer questions that would actually shape the world, then I suggest you forget who let the fukkin dogs out and focus on these brain teasers:

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Why CAN'T we have our pudding if we don't eat our meat?

Who says paper beats rock?  Is rock that big a pussy that if a thin piece of white lined lays on top of him, he goes all Roberto Duran?

What about B cell batteries?  Did they ever exist?  Or did they get lost in the flood with the unicorns?

What you gonna do with all that junk?  All that junk inside your trunk?

What time does Happy Hour end?

How does corn do that?  I swear I chewed it.

What's so special about sliced bread, #2 pencils and snoozing for nine minutes?

And lastly, if reincarnation really is possible, can I please come back as Beyonce's yoga pants?
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So that is your homework assignment, ya assholes.  Get me the answers to these questions and FAST!


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