Monday, December 9, 2013

Beez Recap: It Must Be Bear Hunting Season!!

Jeezus H. Donkey Turds!  What the fuk is going on these days in Bruin Town?  Guys just fahkin' head hunting like maniacs against the Beez and gettin' away with it.  Guess I missed this memo.

Memorandum

To:  The Entirety of the National Hockey League, exempting Boston Bruins

From:  The Gods of Hockey, MaryKate Sedin, Phyllis Kessel and Sindy Crosby, et al

Priority:  HIGH

Date:  12/01 in the 2013th year of our Lord Stanley

Re:  Big Bad Bruins

Let it be known from this point going forward that all players donning skates and helmets for the Hockey Club of Boston (i.e. Boston Broonz) are hereby proclaimed as enemy combatants and shall henceforth be treated as such.  Please make every effort to rip their fukkin' heads off or paint the boards with their faces.  Ne'er shall ye let a free knee pass without fukkin' one of them up big time.  Our goal in this mission is to concuss the whole fukkin' city if possible.  Go forth and decimate.



The latest evidence of this crusade came last night when Dion Phaneuf (pronounced FUKKIN ASSHOLE) drilled rookie Kevan Miller between the numbers and wrecked his ass face first into the boards.  Miller is a tough sumbitch because he played on and notched a biscuit in the basket.  So phuck off Phaneuf!

In the meantime, the Beez played last night without Rask (resting), Quader, Kelly, Eriksson and Boychuk.  And Ginger Dougie went down in the first period not to return.  Yet, somehow, the Bruins still whacked the Maple Queefs in the vadge.  Sodahead, Bergy, Iggy and Kroogah also potted the puck in the win while Kessel was his usual minus 2.  Have I said how much I love hockey?

You know who else likes hockey??   Kate Upton.  That's who.


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