Monday, December 2, 2013

Patsies Recap: Oh Jeez... Again??

Well... the Big Fork and Mayonnaise injuries are really bitin' the Patsies in their cheatin' asses, now ain't they?  The Hoodie's defense cannot stop a fukkin' run-on sentence these days with legends such as Knowshow Morenoham and Ben Whodat Tate racking up nearly 400 yards on the ground against New England the past two weeks.  With Rodney Allen Ridley standing on the sidelines hugging a football like fat kid grippin' a cupcake, the Patsies still managed to come out of the game with a bikini dance inducing victory and a stranglehold on the AFC East once again.  But jeezus... these were the 2-9 gawdam Texans, fahchrisake!  Case of Beer Keenum was under center handing off to Tate while Arian Foster and Matt Beat The Schaub were pickin' splinters on the sidelines.  Yet somehow, those fukkers were able to move the ball and take a 17-10 lead into the half.

But then, Bobby Boucher showed up at halftime and the Muddogs won the Bourbon Bowl... huh?  Wrong movie?  Oh that's right.  This is a real football team.

Rather, the Pats called up Maxwell Smart and his big breasted partner, Agent 99 (the yummy Anne Hathaway version), and got the inside dope on the Texans defense.  According to resident bitter bitch, Antonio Smith, the Patriots must have been spying on Houston's practice last week because "we had some ways that we were going to play this week that just got put in this week, and it was just miraculous that they changed up some things they did on offense...."  Dipshit went even further, saying "You would have to be a descendant of Tonestradamus to know what we put in this week to be able to change that fast.  There's no way...we have not done it ever before and they had never changed it ever before.  So it was kinda fishy how it got changed."

First off, asshole... it's NOSTRADAMUS, you fukkin idiot!  Secondly, what Smith is saying here is that even though the Patriots knew what the Texans were calling on defense, they obviously just let the Texans defense have its way in the first half out of the goodness of their hearts and in the spirit of Hanukkah.  It's called a half-time adjustment.  Perhaps you should have made some too, dicknose.  Smith claims that he is suspicious because the Patriots offense "did things that they had never done before out there."   Do you think he is talking about New England racking up 453 total yards against the Texans #2 ranked passing defense?  Or maybe about targeting Gronk and the slot receiver so many times?  Guess this Smith idiot has a short memory and perhaps sleeps during film session.  Pats played the Texans twice last season....  a 41-28 nut kicking in the regular season and a 44-14 drubbing in the playoffs.  Both games, the Pats had over 400 yards of offense.  Pretty sure they did the same thing yesterday that they have done in the past... and that is twist their balls and render JJ Wait Watt irrelevant.  He is right to a certain extent... they did do something yesterday that the Pats did not do in 2012 against Houston... they threw the ball to Gronk.  But hey, they do that a lot!!  Sorry Antonio... time to stuff a tampon up your vajayjay and quit yer bitchin.

Of course, this little twat's rant after the loss will rile up the Spygaters and Hoodie Haters.  Which means Marshall Fuck will be on some radio station somewhere complaining that Belichick and Brady stole his Super Bowl and kicked his kittens.   AAARGHHHHHH!!!!

Either way... we be dancing this morning.  This week is an extra special, We Are Still Cheatin' And You Are Still Losing Victory Dance!!!

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