Monday, December 23, 2013

Patsies Recap: Quoth The Raven, "My Ass Hurts."

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore -
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
"Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door....
.... only this and nothing more...
than Tommy fukkin' Brady grinnin' like a two dollar whore
and Lagerette Blount doing the Ray Lewis dance after a score!
Those fukkers!" quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

In Baltimore yesterday, THIS HAPPENED
The best thing about yesterday's twat swat of the Baltimore Ravens was that it made the entirety of NFL, ahem, "experts" look like total dicks.  Specifically, that mushmouth of a douche nozzle Shannon Sharpe looked all the asshole in his Ravens purple bowtie and I loved every fahkin' minute of his misery!  In case ya missed it, all the ESPNers and CBSers picked the defending chumps to smack down the depleted Patsies in Baltimore yesterday (except for Ditka, who likely learned a little bit while he was in Nashua last week).  And this morning, every one of them is dining on scrambled eggs and crowshit!  If ya wanna guarantee a Patriot win, just get out there and tell TMFB and Hoodie that they have no fukkin' chance.  Put it all over television and the internet.  And then watch and weep!



Joey Flaccid was a shipwreck yesterday in the face of a Patriot blitz scheme that we haven't seen in, oh I don't know... FOREVAH!!!  Something must have climbed up Belichick's balloon knot yesterday because I haven't seen the Pats pressure a quarterback like that since Seymour and Vrabel and Bruschi were turning passers into mud puddles back in da day!  Maybe it was Flacco's injured leg.  Maybe it was the "expert" predictions.  Or maybe it was "just because."  Either way, Flacco was under attack all day long!

After hoisting the Lombardi in February, Ozzie Newsome opened up the wallet and paid Joe Cool a shit ton of cash.  In exchange, Ozzie had to dump everyone else worth a dime: and now he has the 30th ranked quarterback in the NFL with a bum leg and skid marks on his girdle, and his Ravens are on the outside looking in at the playoff picture.  All that being said, the stats from yesterday do not match the score...  the Ravens had more yards, more plays, more first downs and more dumb old fukkin' tight ends picking them than the Patriots.  But the Ravens also turned it over more than a cat in heat, including a fumble six and a pick six in the last two minutes.  Guess the home team was feeling the Christmas spirit... thanks for the gifts, bitches!

Was yesterday flashback to replacement officials or what?  That may have been the worst collection of idiots and dimwads gathered together in stripes since the Packers/Seahawks game of 2012.  Bad calls.  Changed calls.  Phantom pass interference calls.  When have we ever seen defensive holding in the backfield??  Well, because they picked up the flag, we still haven't seen that.  But I wanna know what the fuk made that official throw his flag.  Truth be told, the Pats were given a gift on that first quarter PI call that put them on the one yard line for their first score.  But that balanced out later when PI was called on a clearly uncatchable ball for the Ravens that gave them their only score.

The Pats had clinched the division before kickoff, thanks to the Dolphins being shut out by the Bills in the 1:00 game.  So it would be hats and t-shirts no matter what.  But it was made much better with a win of their own.

And today, we give you the FIFTH STRAIGHT DIVISION TITLE VICTORY DANCE...

Cue the music... and shake the booty evermore!!

3 comments:

  1. CALLING ON THE NAME OF THE LORD?

    On the Day of Pentecost Peter quoted the prophet Joel (Acts 2:21'And it shall be that everyone who call on the name of the Lord will be saved.')

    To call on the name of the Lord is to acknowledge the authority and power of the Lord, and follow in obedience by meeting the terms of pardon.

    The apostle Peter did not tell those on the Day of Pentecost to say the "sinner's prayer." Saying the "sinner's prayer" is not calling on the name of the Lord.

    Peter preached the death, burial, and bodily resurrection of Jesus. Peter declared the Jesus was Lord and Christ. (Acts 2: 22-26) They obviously believed Peter's preaching because they asked the question(Acts 2:37 ....."Brethren what shall we do?")
    Peter did not tell them to say the "sinner's prayer." What was Peter's response to their question? (Acts 2:38 Peter said to them, "Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.)


    THE NARRATIVE OF CALLING ON THE NAME OF THE LORD.
    1. FAITH: Believe in the death, burial, and bodily resurrection of Jesus. Accept Jesus as Lord and Savior.
    2. CONFESSION: Acknowledge Jesus as the Christ and the Son of God.
    3. REPENTANCE: Make the commitment to turn from sin and turn toward God.
    4. WATER BAPTISM: Be immersed into Christ for the forgiveness of your sins.


    HOW DID THE ETHIOPIAN EUNUCH CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD? (Acts 8:25-40


    1. Philip preached Jesus to him. (Acts 8:35)
    2. He confessed Jesus as The Christ the Son of God. (Acts 8:37)
    3. He was baptized in water. Immersed by Philip. (Acts 8:38-39)
    The Ethiopian eunuch did not say the sinner's pray nor was he asked to do so by Philip.


    Romans 10:13 for "WHOEVER WILL CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD WILL BE SAVED."


    Romans 10:9-10 that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; 10 for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.


    To call on the name of the Lord is to acknowledge His power and authority and confess Him as Lord and Christ . (Acts 2:26,Acts 8:37, Romans 10:9-10) To call on the Name of the Lord is to repent and be baptized. (Acts 2:38)


    WE ARE TOLD TO CALL ON THE NAME OF THE LORD TO BE SAVED.


    We are never told we are saved by "faith only." We are never told that saying the "sinner's prayer" is calling on the name of the Lord.


    IF SAYING THE "SINNER'S PRAYER" IS NOT A REQUIREMENT FOR SALVATION? THEN WHAT ARE THE REQUIREMENTS FOR SALVATION.


    THE REQUIREMENTS!
    1. Faith: John 3:16
    2. Belief and baptism: Mark 16:16
    3. Confession and belief: Romans 10:9-10
    4. Born of water and Spirit: John 3:5
    5. Grace and faith: Ephesians 2:8
    6. Buried through baptism: Roman 6:4-5
    7. Water baptism: 1 Peter 3:20-21
    8. Baptism: Acts 22:16
    9. Baptized into Christ: Galatians 3:27
    10. Believe: Acts 16:30-31
    11. Repentance and baptism: Acts 2:38
    12. God's mercy, water baptism, and the Holy Spirit: Titus 3:5
    13. Water baptism: Colossians 2:12-13
    14. Repentance: Acts 3:19


    IF YOU HAVE COMPLETED THESE REQUIREMENTS---THEN YOU HAVE CALLED ON THE NAME OF THE LORD!

    YOU ARE INVITED TO FOLLOW MY BLOG. http://steve-finnell.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah? But what about motorboating a big set of titties? That should be one of the requirements? Cuz it's like fukkin' HEAVEN, bitch!

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  2. Coach Ditka is wicked smart. I think he picked the Red Sox too, if I'm not mistaken.

    ReplyDelete