|In Baltimore yesterday, THIS HAPPENED|
Joey Flaccid was a shipwreck yesterday in the face of a Patriot blitz scheme that we haven't seen in, oh I don't know... FOREVAH!!! Something must have climbed up Belichick's balloon knot yesterday because I haven't seen the Pats pressure a quarterback like that since Seymour and Vrabel and Bruschi were turning passers into mud puddles back in da day! Maybe it was Flacco's injured leg. Maybe it was the "expert" predictions. Or maybe it was "just because." Either way, Flacco was under attack all day long!
After hoisting the Lombardi in February, Ozzie Newsome opened up the wallet and paid Joe Cool a shit ton of cash. In exchange, Ozzie had to dump everyone else worth a dime: and now he has the 30th ranked quarterback in the NFL with a bum leg and skid marks on his girdle, and his Ravens are on the outside looking in at the playoff picture. All that being said, the stats from yesterday do not match the score... the Ravens had more yards, more plays, more first downs and more dumb old fukkin' tight ends picking them than the Patriots. But the Ravens also turned it over more than a cat in heat, including a fumble six and a pick six in the last two minutes. Guess the home team was feeling the Christmas spirit... thanks for the gifts, bitches!
Was yesterday flashback to replacement officials or what? That may have been the worst collection of idiots and dimwads gathered together in stripes since the Packers/Seahawks game of 2012. Bad calls. Changed calls. Phantom pass interference calls. When have we ever seen defensive holding in the backfield?? Well, because they picked up the flag, we still haven't seen that. But I wanna know what the fuk made that official throw his flag. Truth be told, the Pats were given a gift on that first quarter PI call that put them on the one yard line for their first score. But that balanced out later when PI was called on a clearly uncatchable ball for the Ravens that gave them their only score.
The Pats had clinched the division before kickoff, thanks to the Dolphins being shut out by the Bills in the 1:00 game. So it would be hats and t-shirts no matter what. But it was made much better with a win of their own.
And today, we give you the FIFTH STRAIGHT DIVISION TITLE VICTORY DANCE...
Cue the music... and shake the booty evermore!!