Not sure how long ago ESPN The Magazine started taking pictures of athletes in their berfday suits. Their web site says this is their seventh Body issue. My memory only goes as far back as Gronk hiding his junk with Hulk hands. I must say this: It's always a fascinating perusal, flipping through the images of muscled up, finely toned bodies while I sit on the couch with a box of Cheez-Its resting on my beer belly. They call it The Body issue. I call it the "I Got The Stones To Be Bollocky Bare-ass In Front Of A Photography Crew" issue. These people aren't like half naked with g-strings or nipple stickers. They are 100% au naturale. And I've seen some of the behind the scenes videos of photo shoots. Ya got your camera man (or woman). Ya got your guys holding light stands or reflectors. Your makeup people touching up the nether nethers. Of course, there are agents and ESPN reps and probably Chris Berman hanging around making sure everything goes smoothly.
I got some takeaways from this year's issue. And the first is Olympic gold medal winning gymnast Aly Raisman's glutes! The curves on her physique could double for bubble wrap! Hava nagila hubba hubba!!!
And my third takeway from The Body is this photo! By far the best picture in the issue. Three huge dudes laughing and horsing around about being naked in front of the camera! That's right bitches! We are large and in charge and have no plans to wash these helmets before training camp!
A few more points of note:
- Brittney Griner even looks like a dude naked.
- Natalie Coughlin only wears one swimsuit all summer long.
- My wife suddenly wants to watch rugby.
- When a field hockey stick can cover your girls, you'll never make a Twosday.
- Gabrielle Reese's husband knows the right way to paddleboard.
- Tyler Seguin has no problem resting his junk on a zamboni seat.
In case you do not subscribe to ESPN The Magazine, here is a rundown of the athletes going nakey nakey for us this year, some of whom you have never heard their name. But they all have absolutely no problem baring their downlows for all the crew to see. Who follows archery anyway?