Friday, July 31, 2015

I Have Your Bias Free Language Right Here!

Losing quite a bit of faith in my home state these days.  The Donald is leading fukkin' everyone in the polls.  The guvnah refuses to allow National Guard recruiters to arm themselves .  And now UNH is telling us that using the term "American" might be offensive or problematic because it does not take into account South America.

In 2013, UNH posted on their website something they called the "Guide to Bias-free Language."  Entangled within this politically douchey drivel is allegedly an effort to create an inclusive, diverse and equitable community.  Nary an eyebrow was raised back then... because NOBODY really reads university web sites.  But a story cropped up in a conservative publication about this guide, pissing off Granite Staters and prompting legislators to threaten with how much money they give the University.  So suddenly, two years later, the President of the University is announcing that he is offended by the guide and has ordered it taken down from the website, which really sucks because it was some fantastic reading.

The term American was described as problematic because it fails to recognize South America.  Well, we ain't trying to recognize South America.  They are free to recognize themselves all they want.  Also gone should be the terms "senior citizens" or "elderly" and in their place we should say "people of advanced age."  FUK THAT!!

Other bias-free language according to this guide:  "People of size" instead of overweight.  "Person of material wealth" instead of rich.  And the best one... instead of saying "poor" we should say "person who lacks advantages that others have."

Since we are being bias-free, I have some other suggestions.  You knew I would.

Instead of "asshole" we should be saying "person who lacks the ability to refrain from being an asshole."

Instead of "busty" we should use the term "woman of mammary wealth" and instead of "flat" we should be saying "woman who lacks advantages that others have" or "woman with the tits of Ellen DeGeneres"

"Young" should be "person who doesn't have to fukkin' work for a living"

And stop calling a person "smart"   Instead, call them "persons not as dumb as me."

Hope this has been as helpful for you as it has been for me.  So quit fukkin' offending people, needledicks!  Have a great Friday!  And remember...  these are women of physical fitness.

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