Thursday, August 20, 2015

Freeing The Nipple At Hampton Beach On Sunday

On the seventh day, God rested.  A week's worth of creating shit makes an old dude tired, you know.  Well, this week, the seventh day ain't for resting.  That's cuz it's International Show Us Your Tits Day.  Yeah, I know the official name is World Topless Day and it is celebrated annually on whatever Sunday is closest to August 26th and is meant to empower women and end female censorship.  Blah blah blah... just drop your tops already!     

Oh, the paradox!  Stare or run the fuk away.
Excuse me maam, do you have to wear your bra backwards?
Hampton Beach will be the site of one such areola-palooza.  The Free The Nipple movement will be taking over the hot sands of New Hampshah's biggest beach on Sunday, which means you had better get there early, grab some Blink's Fry Doe and find a good seat for the Booby Parade!  Women's rights groups can talk about this being a protest for equality all they want.  But even guys who hate the beach are going to Hampton on Sunday and it ain't because they are all in on equality.  It's cuz they wanna see titties.  Sorry ladies.  It's how we're programmed.  I understand that there will be plenty of sand draggers and fried eggs left over from the ERA movement scaring little kids at the playground.  But even if there is a chance of one JLHish type rack, I'm there with fukkin' bells on!!  

As an event, I'm all in favor of topless protests.  But as a movement, fuk that shit.  Once the nipple has been freed and women are runnin' around all willy nilly with no tops on, the mystique of seeing the boob will be gone.  Listen... it's cuz women DON'T want everyone to see their girlie goods that makes them awesome.  But if they're all over the place, that fun is GONE.  And I like fun.  

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