But ya know what I couldn't give two shits about? Foliage! Jeezus Harold Christ! What the fuk makes people so gawdam giddy about looking at dying leaves? Oh, that's right. It's nature's canvas. It's a reminder of God's awesomeness. Yeah, like God is some kinda fukkin' Bob Ross or something. When I want to be reminded of His awesomeness, I just think of yoga pants, squeeze cheese and Carl's Junior commercials. You can have your plethora of orange, red and burnt fukkin' sienna from an observation point on the Kangamangus Highway. I'll behold the wonders of the Lord by watching Kate Upton do the Cat Daddy.
Another thing I don't get about this season... why everything is fukkin' pumpkin flavored!! From pumpkin muffins to pumpkin coffee to fukkin' pumpkin beer. When the fuk did this happen? Last week, someone tried to offer me pumpkin whoopie pies! This fukkery is out of control. Oh, and now, you ain't nothin' unless you get a Shipyahd Pumpkin Head draft beer with a sticky fukkin' rim of cinnamon sugar and a shot of vanilla vodka dropped in. Cuz nothing screams fall like sippin' squash flavored beer from a pint glass like it is some kind of blue collar marga-fukkin'-rita! I know this much... if you are ordering a Drunken Pumpkin, you ain't no fukkin' lumberjack!!