Friday, October 30, 2015

Long Snappah: Pats Stomp The Fighting Campbells!!

Hello Mr. Campbell?  This is Reality calling.  What you saw last night.. that's what the big boys do.  Bet you miss the good ol' days when you used to whoop up on Titans and Texans!

Coach Meathead and his band of make believe football players came into the Rayzah last night with the hopes of slaying the AFC Beast!  One slight problem, Mongo....  coaching football ain't about who says "dude" the most nor is it a snot rocket distance contest.

It was cute and all that the rest of the country thought that the 'phins "had something going" under interim coach Dan and his Fighting Campbells.  But in all seriousness... what kind of fukkin' joke are the Dolphins?  If you are to believe the hype that the Dolphins are playing with toughness and heart under their new coach, then the only other conclusion you can draw from that is that they were intentionally mailing it in under Joe Philbin.  And THAT should piss off the Miami fans.

TMFB is seven games into his 2015 Lick My Taint Tour and he just keeps on keeping on.  Ya want a picture of exactly how much awesome sauce has been poured over Mr. Bundchen this year?  Going into this season, the player commonly accepted as the greatest quarterback to ever have played the game had a career passer rating of 96.6.  This season, the GOAT's rating sits at 115.8.  Safe to say that this seven game performance is BETTER than the greatest.  And that ought to tighten up the balloon knots of the rest of the NFL.  All Brady did last night was toss for 356 yards and 4 scores.  Gronkasaurus seemed like he spent most of the game pass blocking and keeping Donkey Kong Suh away from Brady's knees.  Buts somehow he ended up with 113 yards receiving and a touchdown.

That first quarter 47 yard touchdown was vintage Gronk and while everybody pointed out his open field speed and Brandon LaFell's "blackout" block on Grimes, I would like you to take note of something else on that play.  Something that goes to show that ain't nobody slowin' down the Gronk Train.  As Gronk was turning up field, LaFell had knocked his defender (#22) to the ground before peeling off to make the vicious block on Grimes.  Watch that play again and this time pay attention to #22.  He is on LaFell at the top of the screen in this video.  Check him out as Gronk is rumbling toward him at full speed... that little fukker WANTS NO PART OF GETTING GRONKED!!  He slyly and safely stays away until the tight end is past him and THEN he makes chase.  CLASSIC!!

The offense is obvious.  But howzabout that defense last night?  While the Pats were initially struggling to score (5 straight possessions without scoring a touchdown in first half), the defense made sure that Tannehill could not see straight and they rendered the alleged wunderkind Jarvis Landry with spaghetti dick.  At some point this season, the analysts are going to have to start talking about how gawdam beastly the Pats front four has become.  Lamar Miller had 175 yards last week.  He had 15 yards last night.  Forget taking it outside against Nink and Jones, cuz they ain't having it.  The Pats held the Dolphins to just 74 yards in the first half when the game was in doubt.  5 sacks from Jones & Co., including a safety sack from McCourty!!!  Sure, the corners are still the weakness, but it doesn't seem to matter much when the other team is too busy crapping its pants at the site of the Flying Elvis!

Save a horse!  Ride a Dolphin!!
Giddy-up Ry Ry!!
Time for some victory dancing...  before that, let's gawk in amazement first at how the Pats have done at home against the AFC East in the last 40 division encounters at Gillette:   They are 39-1 with that one loss being the Everybody Sits Game last year against the Bills in Week 16.

Okay, LET'S DANCE!!!

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