Monday, October 12, 2015
MMLS: Patsies Shrug Off Cowboys Defense
TMFB and his How's My Ass Taste Now Tour check in at the quarter pole with nary a scratch on the record, although certainly with some ouchies this fine fall Foxboro morning. Next up, the Circle Game against those whiny little bitches in Indianapolis. Word of advice to Ryan Grigson - better get in some extra yoga classes, cuz you're about to be bent over in the downward dog and have a 12.5 psi Roger Goodell autographed Wilson suppository sweep out your fukkin' innards!
Back to yesterday... Greg Hardy reminded us that beating up women is not his only specialty. Fukker is a beast and spins linemen like blindfolded Mexican kids looking for the pinata. Hardy spent the first half punching his dance card for Tommy Boy, seemingly on a mission to get a sniff of Gisele. The Cowboys showed the Pats a brand new look and the result was a shit ton of pressure and 5 sacks in the first half. But Obi Wan Kabelichick and Yoda McDaniels did what they always do... They ADJUSTED. They brought in tight end Michael Williams and Scott Chandler to beef up whatever side Hardy lined up. They rotated their tackles to keep them fresh. They balanced their attack by running nearly as often as they passed. The result was 206 yards of offense in the second half with NO SACKS. The stat line shows that the Cowboys only had 8 quarterback hits for the entire game. Damn, it seemed more like 18 hits. But that means at most, Brady was only touched 3 times in the second half. To the other 31, you just keep on bitching about headsets, stealing signals and deflated footballs. Hoodie will just keep on adjusting on your sorry asses and embarrassing the fuk out of you. And he will keep on signing guys that other teams don't want and turn those dudes into STUDS. Dion Lewis was not good enough to make the Cleveland fukkin' Browns two years ago. Today, he is 10th in the NFL in yards per game with 104.5. I guess you can say that sometimes the Patriots DO go into the dumpsters of other teams and turn their trash into gold.
This is how good the Patriots are... the eyeball test says that the Cowboys beat the shit out of the Pats physically. Brady faced more pressure yesterday than he has all season. They had two huge plays called back because of that fukkin' pick play. AND THEY STILL WON BY 24 POINTS!!!
Phil Simms and Jim Nance spent the first half rubbing one out over the rookie corner out of UConn who was covering Gronk. Sure, the kid stayed with Gronk all over the field. There were no wide open seam routes yesterday. But come on man! The kid was cute and all. But when it came time to man up (or Gronk Up as they say), Jones was more like a shit kernel hanging on for dear life. Gronk had four catches for 67 yards, including THROWING JONES OUT THE CLUB along the sidelines for a 33 yard gain. Give me a fukkin' break man. You can't put a corner on Gronk. And you can't put a linebacker on Gronk. The Colts might wanna sign a free agent stripper with big ol' titties to play corner next week. But I gotta tell you... Gronk would run her the fuk over too. Bidness is bidness!!
The story yesterday was the Pats defense! Sure, Brandon Wheeden runs a whisky dick offense with absolutely no teeth. But the Pats still held them to SIX 3 and outs in the first half. The Cowboys had 260 yards of total offense, but 74 of them came on the last drive while the Pats were in prevent. Jabaal Sheard was in the backfield all day and Jamie Collins just keeps getting better and better.
Hey Indy... are you paying attention? You should be.