Saturday, December 19, 2015

Let's Talk About The Beez. And Laugh At The Penz.

Okay, I admit it.  I have kinda ignored the Beez in this space thus far this season. But ya know, sometimes life happens and before I know it, it's 9:30 and the sandman has kicked my ass again.  He's kind of a dick to us middle aged types - Knocks us off our feet before the ten o'clock news but is right there at 2:30 am for an achy groaning tinkle trip to the piss pot, and again at 5:30 am because, you know, GET UP!  Let's Dance!!!!

As I sit here this morning, gleefully tip toeing through the giant field of suck-tulips in which the Pittsburgh Penguins are mired, I feel compelled to talk a bit about these Bruins.  Fresh off a sweep of a home and home series with the little bitches from the Triangle City, deez Beez sit in second place behind le hockey club of Canada.  That's some serious work after starting the season 0-3 and considering their top defenseman is a 6 foot 7 inch pile of puke who turns it over more than Peyton Manning in a wind storm.  Last night, I think it was the father from Everybody Loves Raymond who scored a hat trick on whoever that was in goal for Pittsburgh.  That's how much fun it has been watching them.

At the beginning of the season, the Beez penalty kill was horrendous, spending the first couple of weeks at the bottom of the league.  That unit has rebounded nicely and is now 17th in the league and has 6 short handed goals (including a beauty from Bergie last night).  They have the top power play in the league and the second best goals/game.  

This little bitch

The Nose Face Killah is playing his best hockey evah, all the while taking stick shots to the nuts and cheap shots from Sindy Crosby like above (btw, the Beez got a power play goal 25 seconds into that powerplay... thanks bitch).  Marchand leads the spoked Beez with 15 goals, including 3 shorties, and a +/- of 14.  Bergie and Krejci are doing their thing and Loui Erikkson is finally looking like the guy they got from Dallas.  But it's the young dudes who have reinvigorated Claude's team, especially the Spaghetti Twins, Landon Ferraro and Frank Vatrano.  Vatrano is a legit Masshole, hailing from Springfield and going to UMass.  AND he notched a hattie last night against those woeful pussies in the Burgh.  Colin Miller has bolstered the blue line AND has a helluva slappah from the point!

Two U's Two K's has bounced back into form of late and now has four shutouts on the season.  He's gotta quit giving up softies, but I'm not too concerned about Tuukka going forward.  

It's Chara who needs to just get off the gawdam ice!  I know we are lacking at the blue line, but this dude has hit the Peyton Manning Zone... he cannot get the puck on his stick without turning it over.  He's slower than Brady running a post and quite simply cannot play anymore.  But that's the eyeball test.  A look at the numbers and he is second on the team in +/- with 13 and he's logging 24 minutes a night.  He has 18 points, including 13 assists.  He's on a pace to get 50 points (he had just 20 points last season) and the best +/- of his career.  So are my eyes deceiving me?  I don't fukkin' know!!  But I HATE watching him play the game!!

So, can we go back to laughing at the Penguins for a minute?  Remember how they were gonna light it up this season after picking up Fat Phil Kessel?  Ooooh.... Crosby, Malkin and now Kessel!!  These guys with Letang, Kunitz and Hornqvist were gonna score 5 goals a game.  Um, Ryan Spooner has more goals than Crosby at this point.  That makes me giggle.  They are in 12th place in the Eastern Conference this morning, way the fuk out of the playoff race.  The Penz have fired their coach and have since lost every game with their new coach.  I don't know that they will continue to suck this bad.  But I am going to enjoy it while it lasts.  Ever since the days of Mario and Yahgah, this hypocritical collection of whinebags have bitched about the physical play of other teams all the while employing the likes of Ulf Samuellson and Matt Cooke.  And watch the Golden Sid away from the puck.   He's the classic hit 'em and run player.  Evgeni Malkin is the only guy on that team who I can respect... a tough prick with a specific set of skills that will kill you quickly.  But while he wears that penguin in a triangle, he's a dink.

Bye for now!

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