Monday, December 14, 2015

MMLS: Patsies Back On Top (For Now?)

Bad news for the AFC... He ain't extinct yet.  The Gronkosaurus returned with yet another brace on yet another appendage and the fukker still managed to drop a dino turd on the Texans' night.  While Scooter McDaniels and Matt the Beard Patricia schemed to put JJ Watt and DeAndre Hopkins in check, TMFB did his thing and, with thanks to Denver and Cincy for pissing down their legs at home, the Patsies are back in the drivers seat for the one seed.  We shall see what happens going forward with Hightower still out and with Blount and McCourty and Easley all leaving the game with ouchies.

Here's the scary truth:  The Pats locked up a playoff spot.  Edelman and Hightower will both be back by the playoffs.  The Pats have two home games left and a trip to South Beach to play the Fighting Campbells one last time.  The one seed is certainly in hand.  Let's see if they can hold it.

But back to last night - if the Pats are known for anything (aside from the GOAT and the HOOD), it's that they will take away your best so that you have to beat them with your second best.  Broken hand or not, JJ Watt was double teamed more than Debbie from Dallas - he only hit Brady once and that was a late hit penalty on Brady's first touchdown pass.  He was chipped, stuffed and neutralized all night.  Hell, even Danny DLDola gave the Big Commercial a hefty shove early.  Of course, Watt has taken shits bigger than Amendola, but it was still pretty funny.  So, because that was happening on one side, JaDeveon I Knocked A Guys Helmet Off Once Clowney was single teamed all night and he got himself two sacks.  And lost by 21 points.  

The most dangerous offensive weapon the Texans have is DeAndre Hopkins, who leads the NFL in receptions of 20 or more yards.  Well, he had just three catches, with his only big play coming in the fourth quarter with the game already out of hand.  The scheme there was man coverage by Logan Ryan with safety help over the top while they put the Butlah on the second best guy, a dude named Nate.  Sure, Malcom was burned on a double move by Nate on a 3rd and 18 play in the first quarter.  But that was the guy's only catch all night.  

So the Texans could not even beat the Pats with their best, their second best or whatever else they had.  Have a look see at the Texans' drives in the second half:  14 yards, 6 yards, 6 yards, -4 yards, -11 yards, 46 yards, 1 yard.  And this game got flexed to the 8:30 time slot two weeks ago because the Texans were playing so well.  They still have fukkin' Brian Hoyer at QB fahchrissake.  Dude couldn't start in Cleveland.  But whatevs....

You know what else the Pats are known for?  Picking up a dude from the scrap heap who makes plays immediately.  Leonard Johnson borrowed Shane Vereen's old jersey and came outta nowhere to make two pretty big pass breakups.  If you were asking aloud "Who the fuk is that guy?", you were not alone.  Shit, he could be waived by Tuesday.  

It's a happy Monday once again in New England Town.  The puzzle is coming together after suffering through that shitshow against Chip Overrated last week.  And this morning, we do our "Playoffs Again" victory dance.  Cue the gawdam music!!!

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