Sunday, February 7, 2016

I'm Rootin' For Winning Squares, Booby Commercials and Beyonce's Backside

It's fahkin' game day in Santa Clara!  Besides TMFB and Deion Hello Sir Branch standing with the other Soopah Bole Emm Vee Pees in a pre-game ceremony, the Patsies are two weeks into their offseason, giving the rest of NFL nation some wikkid sports wood.  Whatevah, fahkahs!  Ya know, ya really should seek psychiatric attention for any boner lasting longer than two weeks.

"Who ya like in the big game?" has been the wawtah coolah question all week.  Most people are leaning toward Carolina in a rout.  And I'm with them.  Denver is flaunting the sorriest offense this side of the 2000 Ravens and their defense will not have the same impact without the benefit of crowd noise and timing a silent snap.  (Editor's Note:  With the size of that pie hole on Cam Newton's mug, he could never do a silent count anyhoo).  Josh Norman just has to wave his baseball bat at Manny Sanders and Luke Kuechly should render permanent damage on CJ Anderson's sphincter with one hit to the chest.  Peyton Manning is gonna need more than Omaha, HGH and hired goons to pull this one out.  He's gonna need to channel the clutch cakes of his better baby bruddah and the arm of his dicknose daddy to pass the Broncos to a win.  That just ain't gonna happen.  But hey Peyton, we sure hope your wife is doing okay.  You know, with all those personal health concerns she has.

HOWEVAH!!!....  I would be remiss to imply that I am in anyway a Cam Newton fan.  Oh, he's as talented as all get out and that fukker simply stepped up and OWNED the MVP award from game 1.  When he has his shit about him, he's pretty unstoppable.  Good luck to Von Miller and DeMarcus Ware today if they think rushing the edge is a good idea.  Newton will run for a hundred yards if they do that all day.  But he lost it with me when he turned his touchdown celebration into a first down celebration.  Cut the fukkin' shit man.  Celebrate your scores and only your scores.  Give the kids footballs.  But after first downs, get back to fukkin' work.  It's too much!  And I don't say that because you're black.  So shut the fuk up with that nonsense.

As an aside... can you imagine the doomsday pout on Newton's face if by chance he loses today?  There would be no towel big enough to hide the Cuckoo's Nest Thorazine stare that he has mastered when things do not go his way!!

But gettin' down to brass tacks, let's talk commercials!  I've searched and I must sadly report that Carl's Jr. will not be titillating us with bouncing mamms and greasy burgers during Super Bowl Large.  Remember Charlotte McKinney last year?  Gawdam!!!

As a matter of fact, it appears that the only ad featuring double Ds is 70 year old Helen Mirren's Budweiser ad about drinking and driving.  But her "magical bosom" is partially obstructed by a towering burger and a bottle of Bud.  What da fuk, Super Bowl?  Give a dog a bone, man! No Carl's Jr!  No Go Daddy!  No Doritos chick!    IF YOU DO NOTHING ELSE, CLICK THE MAGICAL BOSOM LINK ABOVE AND GET INSIDE HELEN MIRREN'S TITTIES!!!


But then again, cleavage is cleavage!  Nom nom.

Mark my words here...  all the talk tomorrow will be about Puppybabymonkey and Wedge Head.

Hello Wedgehead!!
AND, Beyonce will be performing at halftime!!!  Maybe someone should tell Coldplay that ain't nobody gonna be seeing them.


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