Sunday, October 30, 2016

Pats Recap: There's a Dildo On The Field!!


The big fat mouth that roared could only do a Tom Coughlin "I'm a little teapot" impression, complete with his pie hole agape wondering how in fuck he still gets a paycheck for sucking so bad at his job.  Do you remember when this lumpy bag of man tits took Mark Sanchez and the JETS to the AFC championship game two years in a row?  Apparently, that was what we call a mirajee!  Because Rex Ryan and his boxcar hopping hobo of a brother are a gawdam joke.  Rexy was all fukkin' giddy four weeks ago when he shut out an offense led by One Thumb Jacoby, talking about On To LA and joking about Belichick's temper with his tablet.  But Fatso was totally fukkin' befuddled today facing a full Patriots squad and a quarterback that ain't gonna fall for no pre-game banana in the tailpipe shenanigans.

Fuk you, Rex.  Oh hey... I think your wife, the one with the tasty feet, left her dildo on the three yard line.  You should get that and bring it home to her so she can entertain herself while you rub your Sanchez tattoo to sleep, you tool!!!


No surprise today... I mean, TMFB is now 26-3 against the only NFL team that has not made the playoffs in the 21st century.  Yes, the Bills suck that much.  The Browns.  The Jaguars.  The Titans... they have all at least made the playoffs once in the past 16 years.  Not the Bills.  Pretty sure there's a reason that there is no baseball team in Buffalo... has something to do with MLB's zero tolerance policy against rubber dicks being thrown on the field.

Mr. Bundchen is undefeated in October since 2014, with 34 touchdowns against 1 interception.  Ta hell with Reggie Jackson... Brady is the real Mr. October.  Today was a perfect example of our Johnnys and Joes being way the fuk better than your x's and o's.  Brady threw to 6 different receivers and touchdowns to 4 of them.  He didn't need a running game.  He just needed to be Brady.

Speaking of being Brady, in his four games back, he is 98 for 134 (73% completion percentage, tops in the NFL), 12 touchdowns and no picks and 1,319 yards.  That is a full regular season pace of 48 touchdowns, no picks and 5,200 yards.  And that's with footballs at 12.5 psi.  Just saying.  Brady is 18 and 5 since they started checking his footballs more closely.   He has 55 touchdowns against 11 picks.  It ain't fukkin' ball pressure.  But that's okay, Commish.. you worry about ball pressure and destroyed cell phones while all of these assholes beat their wives.

Back to the game... who the hell do you cover if you are playing these guys?  The first touchdown should remind the entire league that they are totally fucked.  Amendola had to have been the 4th or 5th option.  Gronk?  Covered.  Edelman?  Covered.  Bennett?  Covered.  Hogan?  Also covered.  Hey, look... there's Danny.  Ain't nobody covering him.  Thanks for coming.

My only issue today.... Nate Solder at left tackle was HORRENDOUS!!  I'm out..  let's dance bitches  - Ryan Brothers style!!  

 

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