Monday, October 24, 2016

Pats Recrap: Pats Go To The Mustard And Win

I'm supposed to be a Steeler fan.  And most of the time, I AM a yellow towel wavin' Franco Harris worshipin' Primanti Brothers sammitch eatin' disciple of the Rooney Trinity.  It is my birthright... I was born sahth of the city in Bethel Park (aka the Gateway to Upper St. Clair) and on every Sunday in the fall and winter, all of my daddy's side of the family gather at their own living room altars, resplendent in black and gold and adorned with Chuck Knoll bobbleheads, framed Immaculate Reception pictures and more gawdam yellow towels than you can stand.  I must admit, tho, that I've never seen any laminated copies of Ben Roethlisberger settlement documents from the Nevada Supreme Court.

My parents moved our asses to Massachusetts when I was just two, and I have been a Boston sports fan ever since.  The only black and gold that matters wears the spoked B.  I do love the Pirates.  I like the Steelers.  And I hate those whiny ass bitches wearing fukkin' penguins on their jerseys and pads in their panties.

Because both the Pats and the Stillers have taken up residence at the top of their divisions, they are always on each other's schedule, seemingly every friggin' year.  The games are strange for me.  Except for their coach and their sexually assaultive quarterback who does not know basic rules of football (yes, dope, the defensive line can shift during your cadence), I like all of the Steelers.  LeVeon Bell is a crazy good running back.  Antonio Brown IS the best wide receiver in the league.  Their offensive line is YOOGE!  They even have a tight end named Jesse James!!  DeAngelo Williams has fun trolling the Pats on deflated footballs, (see video here) but it's all fun and his very public fight against breast cancer makes him all good in my eyes.  So I like them.  But once a year for four hours, I friggin' hate them.


It looked early like it would be easy.  But then Bolden and Edleman both dropped sure first down passes.  Ryan Allen shanked a 25 yard punt.  Gostkowski missed ANOTHER extra point.  All of that breathed life into Steeler nation and gave them the impression that somehow Landry Jones was gonna put more points on the board than TMFB.  The dude with two last names did look good in the second quarter.  But by the second half, Matt Patricia's defense figured out how to confuse him into pocket catatonia.

Instead of dazzling you with brilliant analysis of the x's and o's at the Mustard Bowl (Heinz makes mustard too, you know) yesterday, I am going to make it so simple that even Big Ben could understand what happened yesterday.

The Patriots have better players and are the better team.  Plus, the Steelers have a bad case of Red Zone Whisky Dick.  The Steelers decided not to blitz yesterday.  Instead, they doubled up on the two headed tight end and opted to bleed a little bit in the run game.  So the Pats rode LG Blount like a fukkin' horse for 127 yards.  The Pats ran 29 running plays against 26 passing plays.  When was the last time you saw that from a Brady led squad?  Hell, Brady even ran for three first downs yesterday.  Tomlin acknowledged that his defense was committed to avoiding "explosion plays" and allow the short passes and quick tackles.  So the Pats just kept taking the short passes.  Until the Pittsburgh safeties got tired of not being involved and started to cheat the underneath routes.  TMFB knew that would happen eventually.  And when it did, he unleashed the Gronkasaurus on a seam route for a score and another out route that picked up 37 yards to the 5 yard line.  Steeler defensive coordinator Keith Butler was fingerpainting while Pats offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels was creating a fukkin' Michelangelo.

Tomlin gets credit for being a great coach.  I'm not sure why.  How many great coaches use TWO timeouts in the second half of a close game because the play clock was about to expire?  Pittsburgh could have used those timeouts later.  How many well coached teams run a two minute hurry up offense like they are in winter mud?  How many great coaches down by 11 with five minutes to go facing a 4th and 2 opt for a 54 yard field goal try when the kicker has never hit anything outside of 51 yards?  Tomlin's explanation post game was awesomely ponderous:  "We've seen him hit a kick from that distance and from that exact spot when we were TRYING HIM OUT last year."  Sorry Pittsburghers... but that's your coach justifying his decision on the fact that the guy did pretty good on an empty field during practice last year.  

Couple of weird things from yesterday's game:  Not sure how often this happens, but there were NO SACKS from either team yesterday.  Also... Gronk scored the 68th touchdown of his career, tying him with Stanley Steamer Morgan for most touchdowns in Patriots history.  Gronk needed just 85 games to reach that mark compared to 186 games for Morgan.   HOLY SHIT!!  Seven games into the season, Patriot quarterbacks have not thrown a single interception.  Probably just whammied them.  But still... pretty impressive.

No comments:

Post a Comment