Sunday, May 28, 2017

For 14 Teams, the NBA Playoffs Are Like Going to a Strip Club

The Stanley Cup Diving Nationals get underway tomorrow night, and I, for one, will be watching with eyes wide open, rootin' wikkid hahd for the Predahdahs.  While card carrying members of the Thornton Melon Hall of Fame Sindy Crosby and PussKunt Subban go vagina to vagina for the top prize in the NHL, know this much:  the Stanley Cup final is going to be must see television, and much more exciting than watching Steph Curry, Kevin Durant and LeBitchBitch play angry face.

You can play along,
but you ain't winning.
My problem with the NBA is this:  The 82 game season and the 3 rounds of blowout hoops was a complete waste of fukkin' time.  Oh, it gave the ridiculously optimistic Celtics nation a little strip club boner for a few weeks.  You know what I'm talking about - when you get up close and personal with a glittered nekkid chick and she smiles at you like you have a chance.  And shit, she might even give you a Game 3 lap dance that gives you even more hope.   But reality is that from the time you walked into the place, you were NEVER taking her home.  But thanks for your money and congratulations on that first round pick.  You still lost.

28 NBA teams opened their season like they were walking into a strip club.  They were gonna have their moments, but they knew they weren't going home with the girl.  We all knew since the end of last season (and since the end of the season before that and the season before that) which two teams would be in the finals.  The NBA regular season is a gawdam joke.  It has become a money grab for owners and a nuisance for the super stars.  Ain't nobody got time for that.  Hell, BronBron said as much when he told everyone he could care less about regular season games.  Can you ever imagine Michael, Magic or Larry sitting out a few games a year to be rested for the playoffs?  No... because back then, they at least believed that you play EVERY game to win EVERY game.

For more evidence that the NBA is star driven, take a look at the Warriors.  Head coach Steve Kerr has not even been on the bench since April because of a back injury.  It is unlikely he will even coach in the finals.  But this is the NBA.  Who needs coaches when the superstars run the teams?  Do you know the name of the Cavaliers coach?  Betcha don't.  Cuz it does not matter.  Bron is in charge.

Look for a minute at the contrast between the NHL and the NBA (and I'm not talking about the color balance either).  The NBA Western Conference finals was a four game sweep by the Warriors over the supposed second best team in the conference, with an average margin of victory of 16 points.  YAWN.  The NBA Eastern Conference finals went only 5 games with an average margin of victory of 20 points.   SNORE.   In the game 5 clincher, the Cavs led by as many as 39 in the fourth quarter.  Meanwhile, on the same night, in the NHL Eastern Conference finals, the Pens and Sens were in a game 7 and needed double overtime to determine who would advance.

So, if you like your sports to have a predetermined champion, then go right ahead and rub one out watching the NBA and listening to Curry and James post game pressers about themselves.  Me.. I'll be watching a real sport that keeps me on the edge of my seat from opening night of the season THROUGH the entire playoffs.  And I'll be complaining about that little puss Crosby ad nauseum.  So Pens fans might wanna block me.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Flannel On Fridays Is My Rule, I Can Break It If I Want

A closed mind unable to stray from the comfort of routine is a mind wasted.  And in my experience, a mind wasted leads to Swiss Rolls for breakfast before going to Mrs. Mahoney's homeroom. Too often the path of least resistance leaves us in ruts...going through life doing the same thing day after day, following arbitrary rules made up by yourself.  Every once in a while, it's important to hop the gutter and knock down the other guys pins.

Today is a lesson in straying from routine.  Who says she HAS to wear flannel on Fridays?  Not me!


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Harvard Blacks Had Their Own Commencement - Because Personal Responsibility Is Not The Road To Success??

In case you missed it yesterday, Harvard University celebrated a first; odd for the oldest university in the country to have any more firsts left.  It's actually difficult to believe this bastion of uppity liberal holier than thou muthafukkas that has been around for 381 years wasn't all done having "firsts."  The school that was established just 16 years after the Pilgrims tied their rickety old sailboat to a rock in Plimoth, Massachusetts had their very first Black Commencement yesterday.  Yep, you heard it right.  A separatist movement is afoot.


The easy play here would be to point out that had Harvard allowed their white students to have a White Commencement, Al Sharpton and Barry O'Bama would be rattling cages and Rachel Madow would be having a fukkin' conniption the likes of which we haven't seen since November 8th.  But playing that card that does not take much critical thought.  So fuk that.

Nope, I'd rather call out the little separatists who spewed horseshit during the ceremony.  The battle cry of yesterday's blacks only commencement in Hahvahd Yahd was all about black lives matter and the reckless taking of young black lives by big mean police officers.  Duwain Pinder, who is obviously wikkid smaht because he got into Harvard, spoke to the graduates... "despite continued police killings of black men, we have survived.  Just look at us."  SURVIVED??  Are you shitting me Duwain??   Must have been tough to survive a four year scholarship to the most prestigious university in the country.  I cannot believe you made it out of Harvard Square alive!!  Pinder has no gawdam idea what survival is about.  He got into Harvard.  He will have a successful career because he worked for it, and he deserves it.  But this smart prick has no more idea about survival than his douchebag white classmates.  This is why he failed to mention the reckless taking of young black lives by other young black men.  While Pinder goes on to earn a six figure salary, countless black men will not survive.  They will be cut down in their prime, mostly by other black men.   But hey Duwain... YOU survived.

But Pinder also wanted his classmates to be careful not to believe the myth that their success was due to their hard work.  He warned that black Harvard graduates can be wielded as political symbols by those who would argue that their success shows racism doesn’t exist. “They will try to craft our stories as examples of the benefits of personal responsibility, as proof that the American dream exists for all, instead of just a select few,” he said. “But we know better.” (1)

They know better?  What do they know better?  Are they saying that they are getting their Harvard degree because of something OTHER than taking the reins of their lives and working for what they want?  Hate to tell ya, fuckface... but your stories ARE examples of taking personal responsibility, busting your ass and reaching the American dream.  You apparently do NOT know better.  How the hell did you get accepted into Harvard in the first place?

(1) https://www.bostonglobe.com/metro/2017/05/23/black-students-gather-celebrate-their-harvard-graduation/x7hNzfxRtxCtgvl4IAhYzH/story.html

Twofer Twosday: Natasha Henstridge In The House

Tis a wonderful day for the twins... and Natasha Henstridge is happy to oblige.  You probably have never heard of Natasha unless you are a fan of Canadian B listers with starring roles in sci-fi thrillers like Species, Species II and Species III.  Or unless you are like me and a fan of anyone named Natasha.  Although I don't know if "moose and squirrel" sounds the same with a Canadian accent.  Eh.





Doing a little heavy lifting at the beach.



Peek-a-boobies!

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Twofer Twosday: Laura Pausini - She's Italian. That's All I Know

Today, Laura Pausini is turning 43.  Yep, you've never heard of her.  Neither had I until I Googled famous birthdays on May 16.  She's an Italian pop singer with a pair of pipes that would knock yer socks off.  Not only that, but she can also sing pretty good.  I don't feel like learning about her.  So her wiki page is HERE.  Or you can just scroll!!!